I am so amazed! I logged on and not one, but TWO people had apparently not only read my blog but commented on it! Yay people! Now I need to get over my weird online shyness and start commenting on other people's blogs. It feels like I'm barging in, even though I know that's completely wrong.
I have two best friends and they are flung out in the far corners of the earth. OK, perhaps it's not that quite the far corners of the earth: D_ lives in Berkeley where he is getting a PhD in some gawdawful complicated scientific field that is way beyond me or anyone else I know. L_ is in New York (now Brooklyn, which is ok, but she lives in Park Slope which is smothered in strollers and small children.) The advantage, of course, is that when I do visit one of them, I get the bonus of being in a cool city.
They have been my best friends since middle school. My friends here are amazing and supportive, but it's hard to talk to them. My friends B_ and M_ (hmm...maybe I should reverse that order) are awesome but M_ and I were ttc together and she got pregnant the first month. B_ is having marital issues so I think that she has trouble sympathizing with me because she
feels the loss of a child she knows she shouldn't even try to have with her marriage as it is.
So despite the fact that D_ and L_ are both VERY childless and happy to stay that way for several more years, they are amazing to talk to for the simple fact that they know NOTHING about infertility. They don't offer sympathy while breastfeeding their daughter or force a smile because Io is talking about how much this shit sucks again.
They just accept any grand statements I make, ask if they can do anything and tell me how fabulous I am.
Last night I was talking to D_ and explaining all the specific procedures and he told me how happy he was that these procedures were at least available. Twenty years ago, we would have just been told to adopt. Or get a sperm donor. How great is it that modern science has made it possible for us to have children!
And yet...I wonder if it wouldn't have been easier to not be able to have all this medical miracle, to shorten the journey. I mean, if the technology didn't exist, there wouldn't be all this extra hope and worry. Obviously, I would know what I was missing, and be sad that I couldn't be pregnant, but right now I can see it's possible and just can't get there. So maybe that would make it easier to move on. Or maybe I'm just cracked in the head.
You don't yet know that I have the most awesome boss in the world. I absolutely adore him and I think the feeling is mutual. He is absolutely dedicated to his work ("god's work" as he calls it, despite the fact that there is nothing religious about it) and has no wife, no kids - he just works 24/7 and loves every minute of it. He loves to offhandedly mention every once in a while how great our office will be with a crib in it. He refuses to believe that I would quit working with him when I had a baby or that I would put the child in day care. I have a job where it's mostly just us alone in the office, though other people occasionally come in or out and we have a dog that we borrow from his neighbor since the dog is spoiled and can't be left alone. So it could work and I love him for insisting upon it.
So today, he was asking what I want for Christmas. He has already given me a present I know he spent a couple hundred dollars on, and I know he's got another expensive present for me, but he still wanted to get me something else. He's generous to a fault (believe me, his goddaughter has got it MADE). I told him it was sweet, but that I really didn't need anything.
I must admit though...for a brief moment I thought "maybe he could buy me a baby!"
If only Target sold babies.