Friday, January 25, 2008

Firefighters and teenagers

Oh, so happy it is Friday.
One of my friends asked me if I got a picture of the firefighters popping open my car door this morning - unfortunately, my camera was in my (locked) house and I did not. (Edit: I just realized that I clearly stated this in my last post. Duh.) These were not, by the way, the firefighters in my "Firefighters of H*milton County" calendar. (Sorry Ariana!) These were older guys who are closer to retirement who were wearing funny hats and heavy coats as opposed to young men wearing six packs and only suspenders on top. They are my heroes anyway. As embarrassing as it was to have a freakin ladder truck pull up in front of my house because I can't figure out how to not lock myself out in the cold, after 35 minutes of standing in the cold I was really happy to see them.
I brought over an apple pie and peanut butter cookies this evening. I kept a few cookies for us, but A_ looked very disappointed that the whole apple pie was leaving our kitchen, never to return. The guys were out on a run, but there was one guy there who looked pretty happy to accept the treats.
Caution: Fucked up abortion and baby shit ment.

Last night I had my writing group (aka drinking and eating and gabbing group). My dear friend M_ (the one who offered up her maternity clothes) told me she had student who is pregnant. (She teaches at the high school where I used to work.) Apparently the student told a friend of ours, Reb, who is also a teacher there. The student knows that Reb and her husband are trying to adopt.
That REALLY sucks for Reb. On so many levels. Because apparently the student's mother has scheduled her for an abortion. And despite the fact that the student doesn't think she *wants* to get an abortion (she think wants to give the child up for *adoption* - oh god my heart is breaking for how strong this little girl must be) in my fucked up State, the girls parents can FORCE her to get an abortion.
I am pro-choice. But that means the person carrying the baby gets the choice.
(Edit: So several of you questioned whether this was possible. I was shocked when M- told me, but I didn't question it because she had been told this by the principal, who she had asked about this. However, after googling I can't find anything, so perhaps it is indeed not law. But then I wonder why the principal would say that. Maybe b/c he didn't want the teachers to get involved in what is obviously a tricky situation? Maybe b/c he thinks the girl will be better off with an abortion and wanted my nosy friedns to butt out? I do not know. But I am going to call M_ and talk to her about it... Of course, even if it's not a law, I doubt the girl would go against her mothers wishes if the mother is adamant. Apparently she is a single mother and doesn't want history to repeat itself.)

So the girl told Reb, possibly because she thought Reb could stop her mother and possibly because she hoped Reb would want to adopt her baby. And Reb does, god she does want this baby, but she can't stop this girls mother and even if she could it wouldn't be appropriate for her to adopt the baby.

How. Fucked. Up.

And of course M_ told me this and then was like - if she can talk her mother out of making her abort, maybe you could adopt it! And I am so *hungry* for a baby that as I left I casually (of course it was so obvious that it was not casual) mentioned that if something should change, if there is a baby, we'd be interested in adopting. Just in case.


  1. OH.MY.GOD. I can't believe that. I'm at a loss for words.

    That truly sucks for every party involved. I too am Pro-Choice, even if I wished that the choice didn't have to be made or could be adoption every time.

    *I read back posts first & just saw that already brought the firefighters goodies. I still recommend the almond bars- maybe A_ would be consoled about the pie with them!

  2. God, that totally sucks. I can't believe someone can be forced by a parent into that decision. It's hard enough to deal with when you've decided it's the best move on your own. The maternal involvement just makes me shiver...

  3. I often fantasize about people handing out babies when I'm nearby. One of those weird daydreams that just slips in there when I'm not paying attention....

    Io, are you SURE that your state allows parents can force a child to get an abortion? Sure, they can pressure the hell out of her, but do you really think they can ask a doctor to strap her down to a table and do the deed? I'm a bit skeptical about this, and I can't imagine there's a doctor who would be willing to do so. I'm wondering if the girl is over-stating her parent's power? Just a thought....

  4. I have to agree with babychaser; the doctor's obligation is to his/her patients' wishes and not their parents. Am wondering how they can make that a law. Regardless, that whole sitch sucks!

  5. WOW. That is a fucked up situation. I too am wondering if the parents can really force her to get an abortion.

  6. What a horrible situation for that young person to be involved with. I empathize with her and her parents. Who knows what our reaction would be as parents...though I hope they would be thoughtful. And thank you for your kind words on my shitty cycle. I too blame Target.

  7. What an awful situation. That poor girl is going to have to live with her mothers decision for the rest of her life.

    I hope she is able to change her mind...

  8. Bummer about the firemen. It's so few in far between when we are able have contact with them and my interactions have always been with the ones that are getting ready to retire. :-(

    First, I'm pro-choice also and believe that a women's right to choose is so very important. When we give up that right and start letting other decide I have to ask myself - What next, our right to vote?

    With that being said and as much as I want a baby I would do all that I can to support this young person in continuing the pregancy and giving the child up for adoption. I'll never understand the courage it takes to give a child up but I certainly understand the courage it takes to take on another person's child with the risk of them being taken away.

    Heavy stuff........


  9. Oh, Io, that is so, so horribly awful and wrong. I'm sorry. I just don't understand how things like that can go so horribly awry, especially when it seems like such good alternatives are available. I'm sorry.

  10. You would slap a saint?!?

    Yeah, I guess I probably would too.

  11. Damn it, I had a great big comment posted here, and blogger ate it.
    Oh, well.

    I'll just re-type a few points:
    Things are not always what they seem, especially when it comes to teenagers. Your teacher-friend is right to stay out of this one. Mothers and daughters can have really messed up relationships, and this mother is very likely doing what she thinks is absolutely best for her daughter.

    It still hurts to hear about an unwanted child being aborted, esp. if there is the possibility of someone you know getting a baby instead, but ultimately, giving a child up for adoption is incredibly difficult, and maybe even more so than dealing with the emotional fallout of having an abortion or raising the child.

    Unfortunately, we, as a society, have to allow parents to make these kind of hard decisions on behalf of their minor children. And teenagers, even older ones, are very much minors, esp. as it concerns cognitive functioning:

    The frontal lobe is markedly different from a 16 yr old to a 20 yr old. Planning and reasoning are skills that are just not developed in the teenage brain, even among the most clever of teenagers. To ask a teenager to sort through the myriad consequences of whatever path was chosen will not reliably produce decisions that the teen will be happy with ten years later, which is where the parent comes into play. As much as it sucks to say so, a teenager who suffers from impulse control issues (unprotected sex) likely will have reasoning issues, since the frontal lobe controls both of these brain-tasks, and thus, in this situation, we should trust the parent even more.

    Just my totally uninformed opinion. It's just sad all around really.