Monday, January 28, 2008

Nahnahnah...I can't hear you!!!

What's worse than having your mother say things that are hurtful about you doing IVF?
Having a mother who decides to try to be helpful.
I love my mom, I do. But I do not want to discuss things like sex or babies or marriage with her. I just don't.
I went over to her house on Saturday to paint her hallway and she has decided she is going to try and help me with ttc. So she keeps inserting random things into the conversation as we paint:

"Mom, pass me that roller, please."
"Here you go. You know, I went on Snork."
"Snork?"
"Yes, Snork" Mom is obviously pleased with herself. "Its a website where they debunk myths and things you get in the email."
"Um, Snopes?"
"Snopes! Yes. Well, it said that it might be true that laptops lower sperm count, so A_ shouldn't put his laptop over his-"
"Ok, thanks Mom!"

Then as I am washing my hands she starts rustling through papers and unfolds a piece of paper and starts talking.
"You know, I was getting ready to see a fertility specialist when I got pregnant with you. I was charting my basal body temperature with this. See, here's my temperature rise...Oh! Here, I think this was you!"
And then she just... kept... talking... about things I don't want to hear.
Unfortunately, I am too old to put my hands over my ears and repeatedly yell "I can't hear you!"

Remind me, if ever I should pee on a stick, should that stick tell me I am pregnant, and should I decide to keep that pee stick as a reminder of the joyous occasion...REMIND ME never to show my children. Because that is weird.

11 comments:

  1. Just tonight DH was asking me if I kept all my posts. "Uh, yeah, on the internet." Because he thinks that if we EVER have our family they might be interested to read our journey. Remind me to delete everything so if our dreams come true our children can never see what a nut case we are! Ha, ha.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hee-I don't think you can escape the weirdness of being a parent once you have children. Even people with the best of intentions do things the kids think are weird. Which is just the circle of life, I suppose...our grandparents were weird to our parents...our parents were weird to us...and so on.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow. TMI overload, huh? Someone else either had a very similar post today, or commented on someone else's post about her mom showing her a bbt chart of when she was conceived. Very strange.

    ReplyDelete
  4. My lord, Io, that was one funny post, which you distilled so well from your very understandable discomfort. It's hard to deal with well-meaning folks who just don't get what you need right now, especially when you love them.

    I might tell my child/ren about my experiences with IF, but only perhaps more about the emotional, coping side and less about the mechanics. I have a feeling he/she/they won't have to read my blog to know mom's insane.

    ReplyDelete
  5. And THAT is exactly why I decided not to keep my pee sticks. That IS weird.

    Tee hee...at least she's interested?

    ReplyDelete
  6. I can understand why you'd be mortified and want to stick your fingers in your ears... but from this side of the fence, that was really funny! :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. HAH! That is so fucking funny! I can just see you blushing and saying, "LALALALA- WILL-NOT-HEAR! MOTHER-IS-TALKING-ABOUT-HUSBAND'S-WINGWANG..."

    And you *should* show your children their peesticks. You never know- maybe your mom was chuckling in the back of her head about making you so uncomfortable. It would be a riot to inflict that on your own children. "LOOKY, Sweetie! Here's mommy's dried urine, rich in HGC, that first showed her that you were on the way! What? You don't want to hold mommy's old dry urine? WHYEVER NOT?" Bwahahahaha!

    Oh, mothers. They just never get it quite right, do they?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Why can't you cover your ears and shout "I can't hear you"? Was it because you had paint on your hands? Hi! I'm five.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Okay, I've gotta side with Kate here. There is no way you can be a mom and not embarrass your child, especially if it's a teenage girl. So why not go all out.

    BTW, this weekend my friend was sitting in the hospital with her day-old baby in her lap (yes, I went, see my blog), making fun of the faces he was making. "I'm sorry," she said after a minute, "I shouldn't make fun of you. I won't do that anymore."

    There was a pause, and we all cracked up at the same time. "Of course I'm going to keep making fun of you," she admitted.

    This all being said, I have to say with some astonishment, YOU ALL KEEP YOUR PEE STICKS???

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hey Chica,

    Well, you know that my mom has repeatedly informed me that I was the result of a tear in a condom.... but at least she didn't keep her pee stick! BWAHAHAHA!!

    Actually, that's kinda creepy.

    BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Love you!
    -D.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hello... I LOVE your blog! I'm new here and trying to figure out this whole bloggin' thing...
    its nice to know there are other people out there with similar things to bitch about! You're awesome.

    ReplyDelete