Tuesday, January 29, 2008


My internet bff Kate (I am so obnoxious. Poor Kate.) cracked me up in her comment on my last post. I probably *will* turn into my own mother and make my children painfully embarrassed of me. I will probably also enjoy it immensely when they cringe and try to shut my insane mom ramblings out. Bwahaha exactly.

I was reading Mel's last blog over at Stirrup-Queens (how amazing is she? I mean, really.) and she talked about how infertility shapes how she views the world. (She spoke about lenses actually, which totally transported me back to K*nneth Burke and freshman year Comm. studies)

I wonder specifically if infertility will have an affect on me as a mother (I'm so optimistic today: I keep referring to my future children as though they are a done deal. I'm apparently also very hyped on parenthetical side notes...)
What if I have only one kid? Will I become one of those nervous mothers you sometimes see who has one child and so they won't let the child do anything even slightly dangerous like play football or eat dirt or have friends? Even if I have more than one, will *infertility* make me treat them like fine china? Will I suddenly become my mother and be painfully embarrassing and tell them detailed stories about how they were conceived????

Baby picture below

Maybe I will be a pushy mother instead and force them to achieve achieve achieve. Like my dear friend R, who is making poor baby S study for law school even though he is only five months old:

It *did* take her a long time to conceive him...


  1. Too funny...

    I think IF will make me a more relaxed mother, actually. I think before IF I had a black-white outlook on the world. Now I know there's a whole mess of grey there, and sometimes you just have to muddle through.

    It's funny, because IRL my husband is pretty laid back and I'm the uptight "Monica." But when we talk about parenting, we tend to go in different directions. For example, he's set on our kids playing sports. He thinks it teaches discipline and teamwork, blah blah blah. I agree, but I think they may just as well be interested in art or choir, so I'm not going to FORCE them into basketball!?

    He also firmly thinks they HAVE to go to college. I would LIKE my children to seek higher education, but maybe it will be in a skilled trade, and won't require a traditional 4-year degree. He is, of course, appalled at this open-minded thinking.

    Sigh...I'm sure we'll figure it out.

    Wow, sorry for the ramble, but you got me thinking!

  2. I've been thinking about this lately, and I'm sort of glad IF happened. I would have been a pretty obnoxious, preening mommy type had I conceived quickly. Everything else happened so easily for DH and myself, and I wasn't very humble and had some rather regimented ideas of the "best" way to do this or that. Of course, I still have some of those ideas, but I think IF has made me more laidback and more accepting of kids as individuals.

  3. It is entirely possible that IF will make you a pyschotically overbearing helicopter parent. BUT...I find this highly unlikely.

    You don't strike me as the type of person who can repress her personality and it would be a pity to hide the awesomeness that is you from your child/ren!

  4. I think that getting through hardship and crisis makes you more relaxed and able to deal appropriately with life, instead of flipping out because Jimmy's on the monkey bars. And at some point, inertia takes over and you just can't flip out over every little thing (or can you? Please, say no!).

    Let me know when that adorable guy passes his bar.

  5. Thanks again for the props, yo.

    I always think about the affects of IF on my choice of how many children I will have.

    When I was young (and sososo stupid), I fantasized that FOUR would be a nice number. For a long time, I really wanted to have a lot of kids. And then, after much discussion with H (who wanted ONE and ONE ONLY), we agreed that two would be acceptable with the possibility of a third if we find ourselves in the financial circumstances where we could work it out.

    Infertility has squashed all of that. I'm hoping for one, and if one is even remotely hard to come by, then I think we'll stick at only one. Shoot, we may end up with zero... who knows? H was an only child, so he sees nothing wrong with raising an only child. I know lots of only children who are awesome kiddos (and the fondest childhood memories of mine are from the 7 years before my brother came along). One wouldn't be so bad. Ironically, now he's the one feeling a little sad that we may only have one. I think he had gotten used to the idea of two. Oh, well.

    And yes, if your child isn't preparing for law school by 5 months, then you can pretty much just hand him the bucket and squeegee, because the only thing he'll be good for is washing windshields for spare change at street corners for the rest of his life due to your horrendous neglect. Forget about any sort of top tier school. Ideally, he should be taking the practice LSATs by 18 months at the latest. Really. I thought we all knew that.

  6. I agree with Tracy. (Again. Who is this Tracy chick, anyway? Is she really me?) I think IF is likely to make me a much more chill mom, because it's taught me to roll with the punches. And it's taught me to want a lot less from my kid. I used to care about looks, brains, body type, gender, time of year they were born. I'm sometimes astonished at what used to matter.

    A few months ago, when talking with J about biggest fears for adoption, he said "I'm just scared our kid won't be smart." I confessed to him that this scared me, too, but that I'd recently come to terms with it. My biggest fear? That my kid would be the kind of person who couldn't be happy. (Mental illness runs in my family, so this isn't an entirely unreasonable thought.)

    So really, all I care about now is having a healthy kid with a decent chance at happiness. Is that too much to ask?

    Like Kate, I always wanted more than one. My parents are crap, but my sister and I are a well-bonded, united front against the world. I always wanted to give that to my kid. But, alas, I suspect this body only has one pregnancy in it. Never imagined I'd say this, but we're actually hoping for twins.

    Right. Dream on, sista.