Geesh, I read that last post about Dr. Dick and I sure seemed angry. I'm generally not an angry person, unless it involves politics or somebody being mean to helpless creatures or my husband trying to eat my ice cream. (In fairness, he usually thinks we're sharing. But I don't share ice cream. He should know that by now.)
Thank you all for your support. Your comments made me laugh and smile. Nobody else around here really does the MESA as their specialty (there was one kinda creepy looking urologist in town who claims he does them, but most of his practice is cancer-related) and Dr. Dick is supposed to be the best, which is really the most important thing. And I'm fairly certain that he wouldn't give us back our money if we canceled.
I think I am perhaps more nervous about Friday than I had realized. Babychaser totally called me out on it.
I am terrified that they won't find anything. Reading blogs has been an incredible blessing - I have this incredible community of all you amazing women - but I have also read so many blogs that are ten steps ahead of me and I know that my fairy tale of finding sperm and doing IVF and miraculously knocking me up on the first try might not happen. We might not find sperm, or I might be a poor responder, or our babies might not want to stick. (And of course we have to find money for all of this. That might be the most daunting of all.) There are just so many ways this can *not* work out and all of those thoughts are flitting about in the back of my head. I had a dream that we didn't even get to the surgery because we arrived and suddenly they needed more money than we had. (In my dream I started crying. In real life I would probably grab a scalpel and explain calmly to the doctor that unless he wanted *his* balls cut open, the surgery needed to happen. And then I would be arrested and have to hope that I could do IVF from jail.)
So for all of you who have that bitch Hope hanging around bugging you, if you could just send her
my way, I could definitely use some optimism. I know that we have a 90% chance that everything will be ok on Friday, but I am so focused on the negative.
Ah, one of the other things adding to my general stress... I haven't mentioned that one of the reasons we have no money is that A_ just finished l@w school. He's taking the bar exam today and tomorrow, so if you have incredible mind powers or you're tight with G*d or something, send some love his way. It's been a crappy couple of months while he studied, but I think it has kept his mind largely off of Friday.