Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Mom, please stop talking

Since A_ has been staying at a hotel to take the bar, I went over to see my parents last night. We had gyros, watched HGTV, and, uh...that's about it. My parents obviously lead a life almost as exciting as my own.

After dinner, my dad left to go to some church thing and my mom and I sat around for a bit.
She asked when A_'s surgery was, told me I needed to stop drinking soda since apparently it will ruin both your gums and chances at a baby, and then said "Oh, I was watching 0prah the other day..." She doesn't normally watch 0prah, so I knew immediately which one she had watched. The episode in which girls (all girls - did anyone else think that was weird?) talked about how their lives were terribly bereft of all joy because their fathers were sperm donors.
(I watched that episode too and was not impressed. I don't want to diminish these womens pain, especially the one who was told when she was like 30 or something, I felt like perhaps they felt something was missing in their lives and this was simply the easiest thing to ascribe it to. Not going to get into it, but yeah, 0prah kinda dropped the ball on that.)

Anyways, apparently since IVF didn't work for my cousin whose husband has a vasectomy, my mother is worried that it IF treatments won't work for us and (she said with a sly look on her face) we should maybe consider A_'s brother as a sperm donor. Because he'd be known and all. So our kids wouldn't end up on 0prah in twenty years, see?
And hey, we could just mix their sperm together for the IUI. So they could help A_s sperm along. (Please note my mother decided all on her own that sperm is made up of friendly wood sprites who assist each other in reaching the golden egg.) Not to mention: um, what? I had previously explained that we'd have to do IVF. Was she not listening?

Apparently not. She thought maybe she had confused me with somebody else that she had talked to.

Which baffles me - I mean, do *many* people talk to my mother about their infertility problems? Are there all sorts of women she can confuse with her daughter that talk about sperm to her? I'm totally bemused by this.
So you women who have sperm issues that are talking to my mom about it - next time please remind her that *you* are not her daughter. I don't want to get left out of her will. Thank you.

14 comments:

  1. The great thing about parents is that the same things that often horrify their children are adorable to others. Your mom sounds like a great lady, even if she does get her IF/sperm conversations all mixed up. Okay, I can't even type that without giggling...

    Sorry. It's just so cute! :-)

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  2. I'm impressed your mom can even discuss it, let alone get it mixed up with other IF conversations... my mom won't even discuss normally physical and necessary bodily functions, she prefers to imagine that, contrary to the children's book, NO, EVERYBODY DOES NOT POOP. The idea of her discussing sperm makes me laugh right here at my desk. Your mom sounds really cute, and like she is trying to help. I know though, it would be nice if they had an "off" switch.

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  3. I will definitely stop talking to your mom about Scott's sperm problems. Sorry about that.

    OMG, that is too hilarious. So, when you're having these very surreal conversations with your mom, do you ever just start laughing? Or is it more like, WTF?

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  4. Oh, it is SO more like WTF! (Ok, maybe a *little* desire to bust up laughing...)

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  5. your mom does sound cute... it's definitely good to have a sense of humor when talking to your mother about your husband's sperm.

    -moosk

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  6. hey - send me another email. I have email for you and can't find it!

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  7. I can't even say the word sperm to my mother without making her blush, so you're strides ahead of me.

    Oprah seems to have a serious slant against all things ART.

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  8. ahh mothers.... my mom is essentially crazy so i don't tell her anything, but i think it was so cute that your mom was trying to be helpful. maybe she needs to do some reading to get herself better informed, or you should just make a rule that she's not allowed to talk about sperm-related issues.

    i agree with ahuva though, life would be a better place if our mothers had an off switch!

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  9. Yes, clearly A's brother's sperm would probably give A's sperm a boost. I bet the brother's sperm would actually put A's sperm on its shoulders so it could reach the egg. Great plan!

    :) I think it sounds like a pretty funny conversation!

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  10. Like Jellybelly, my mom's too crazy to talk to about this stuff. But J's mom is all over the "use his brother as a sperm donor" thing. She started suggesting it EARLY on. And she's pushy about it, too! (She's also a bit confused about the genetics. Yes, J's brother is a twin, but he's a fraternal twin, which makes him no more of a genetic match than I am to my sister who is two years older than me.)

    Finally, at Christmas, she brought it up again, so I gave in and told her the truth: J had asked his brother more than a year ago if he would consider it if it got to that point, and his brother refused to even discuss it with him. Said we should just adopt. (At this, I almost breathed a sigh of relief. I don't want my baby to inherit M's insensitive-asshole gene.)

    So when I told this to J's mom, she said, "Well, do you want me to talk to him? I could talk him into it." At this point I sort of freaked. First, as she must know by now, we're at the IVF stage and are quite capable of coming up with fertilized embryos. We've just had some hard luck. And second, THIS IS NOT THE KIND OF THING YOU TALK SOMEONE INTO! Either they're cool with it or they aren't.

    Anyway, maybe it's because of my issues with my mom (and now J's mom, who's still a lot better than mine), but I didn't read this conversation with your mom as terribly cute. Though, like my MIL, I'm sure she means well....

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  11. I couldnt even talk about my IF issues for the first 6 months because my mom would break down crying and then tell me I was cursed with IF because she gave a baby up for adoption when she was in high school. I refuse to beuy into her theory of paying her karmic debt and firmly believe that everyone has thier own destiny. My dad on the other hand was annoyingly optimistic. "Well Honey, it will happen next month" followed by a quick "Remember your brother and you are seven years apart." OK, Yeah, right.... whatever Dad - talk to me when you grow a uterus.

    Bottom line, that's why we have friends and blogging. I would be lost without your support and yes - parents should come with an off switch.

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  12. Your mom is an innovator, Io. I don't know why that hasn't been thought of and tested before now.

    Definitely agree about the parentals needing an off switch. I hope that she isn't giving you the "relax and it'll happen" speech that my mom gave us until fairly recently.

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  13. Wow, I feel really lucky.
    I do talk to my mom about all this stuff (I'm going through IVF now) and I talk to her, my brother and even my mother-in-law (although I'd rather not talk to the MIL but my hubby feels left out if I don't include her).

    It may be that my mom and I are both in the medical field that makes us more comfortable talking - she doesn't blush at the word sperm, in fact she often refers to my hubbies genetic material as his 'swimmers.'

    So reading all these posts I do realize i'm lucky to have such a relationship w/my mom and I will treasure it.

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  14. Wow, I feel really lucky.
    I do talk to my mom about all this stuff (I'm going through IVF now) and I talk to her, my brother and even my mother-in-law (although I'd rather not talk to the MIL but my hubby feels left out if I don't include her).

    It may be that my mom and I are both in the medical field that makes us more comfortable talking - she doesn't blush at the word sperm, in fact she often refers to my hubbies genetic material as his 'swimmers.'

    So reading all these posts I do realize i'm lucky to have such a relationship w/my mom and I will treasure it.

    Please know that I am not saying anything negative about anyone here, I would never do that. I feel such a bond with EVERYONE who has gone through any IF treatments, whatever they are. This was just more of a musing on the fact that I feel lucky to have my mom to talk to in person (i'm not someone who has many friends unfortunately).

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