Friday, February 29, 2008

Step one complete

We don't have any money in the bank...
but we do have sperm!

I'll post more later about the nurse I almost clocked.
OK, it's later. I have a killer headache, so this may or may not be terribly cohesive.

So we got up at 5am to go to the surgery center where we forked over pretty much our entire savings. We've been running low because A_ quit his job in December to study for the bar so it was painful to see how quickly our money disappeared once we go there. We had already paid the doctor, but still had to do the facility fee, anesthesiologist, and sperm sorting and freezing. Ouch. It added up. And of course this week our water heater has gone on the fritz - it needs to be replaced.
The nurse that was in charge of checking and freezing the sperm pissed me off.
(My husband, ever the levelheaded of the two of us, calmed me down, explaining that she might have been dumb, but she was well-intentioned. I still dislike her, but I no longer want to punch her in the ovaries.)

We first met Nurse No-filter while we were waiting for A_ to go in, after he had already gotten an IV and that sexy gown that showed off his ass when he got up to pee. She was very gregarious for 7am, smiling and laughing. Everything was soooooo interesting! With an exclamation point!
She looked at A_s birthday and was so! amazed! it was in October! because her son! was born! in September!
Um, yeah. There are only twelve months lady. It's not that shocking.
And her son who was born in September was born because she had sex at Christmas. Drunken sex. Which resulted in a pregnancy and a birth. Excla-fucking-mation point.

Look, although it sometimes makes me sad or jealous when I see a woman who has a kid or who got pregnant without trying, I don't generally dislike them for it. But when you are a nurse who works with infertiles, I .really. really. don't want to hear about how you managed to get drunk and knocked up.

So Nurse No-Filter then said to me that generally people do this procedure with the wife doing IVF at the same time. Oh my god? They DO?
I explained that we didn't have money and it would probably be a year before we could afford it.
End of conversation, right?

Did I know that the RE she worked for upstairs was wonderful and had great success rates? Did I know that we could do a shared risk? (Um, if I don't have 10 grand, what makes you think I have 3o grand?)
Thanks for the info, but we can't afford it right now.
No really, he's great. We could probably finance our IVF. Exclamation point.
Thanks but it really will be a year. We're going to save the money. I'll check him out.
You'd think that saying it twice would get through to her, but apparently not. Over the course of the morning, the three other times I saw her, she repeated how great the doctor was and how I should really look into it.
Look bitch, unless you have the money to give me or he only charges a grand for IVF, ain't happening.
It's like she gets kickbacks and turned off her hearing aid.

So since I already disliked her, I was happy when she ran over and yelped that they got "Tons of sperm!" (becasue, yay sperm) but not thrilled that she did so in front of all twenty of the other people in the waiting area.

So yeah. Nurse No Filter can bite me, but
Sperm! (Exclamation point.)

A_ is being pretty good, sitting here all day watching tv and holding the peas on his balls. He's being very sweet and not complaining at all.
I love this man.


  1. Was going to write "Good Job!" but wasn't sure that was entirely appropriate. So, congratulations!! Go you and A for enduring two trials this week! (Even though A was in the exam, the spouse not taking the Bar goes through a whole lotta shite in preparation and, in my case, Subway sandwiches.)

  2. Yaaaaaaay!!! Wonderful news!!!

  3. Hooray!!! Grats on the swimmers!!!!!

    Now I wait patiently to hear about almost hitting the nurse.

  4. Awesome! That is so the news I was hoping to hear. Go swimmers! Congrats!

  5. Yay! So happy the deposit has been safely made ... at least into the safety deposit box!

    And as I have enough hospital stories to tell of late, I will wait patiently to hear about yours!!

    Thanks for all your warm thoughts & prayers, too!

  6. I have happened across your post and it made me smile. Glad the surgery went well! Share with A he can steal my husbands line. He tells all his buddies "he has sperm of steel" and claims a cute nurse told him that.

  7. I am so happy for you both!!! What great news!!!

  8. I'm so happy for you!!!!!! I've been checking all day for news. Thanks for not making me wait any longer to hear the wonderful news. I'm thrilled. Absolutely thrilled.

  9. i'm very happy for you. that's great. (i'm a nurse too and i understand your frustration, sometimes i can't believe there are such morons out there that can call themselves nurses)

  10. A_ may not have let you smack Nurse No Filter upside the head, but do you think he'd let me? Oooo, let me!!! Let me!!!


    A_ sounds like a keeper. Not a lot of guy would let a doc near The Jewels. Keep. That. Man. Exclamation point.

    Congrats on the completing Step One.

  11. YAY for you and A. That is really fantastic news!

    Clearly, Nurse No-filter was dropped on her head and it damaged the sensitivity side of her brain.

  12. Yay for the sperm! Boo for nurse no-filter. That sounds horrible.

  13. "Nurse No-Filter". lol. Great name.

    Well? Tons = what??

  14. Ohmygosh, you're too funny!

    Wbat an ignorant woman. Geezzz

    Glad they found spermies!

  15. Yay! For sperm! And yeah, slap that nurse.

  16. Tons of sperm!!! Huzzah!!!

    So how much sperm is tons of sperm? Can you split it into a few cycles, or is it a one-shot (no pun intended) deal?

    I find it astonishing what people are willing to say about the financing of IVF. More often, I get the people who are shocked that anyone would pay $10K to get pregnant. These tend to be the smug happy people with a gorgeous 2-year old running circles around their knees. Bitches!

    But it's been a good week for you and A, pain to his balls notwithstanding. Now you can spend some time relaxing and trying to enjoy the pleasures of being a grownup with no kids. (Sometimes it's hard for me to do this, but every once in awhile when J and I are having a great time out, I think, "hey, this is kind of nice!")

    Nurse No-Filter probably spends a lot of time at home in a drunken stupor yelling at her not-so-bright, attention-deficit, definitely-not-cute kid.

  17. that is great news that you have sperm!! yay sperm!

    and major boo on nurse nofilter. god, what an unfeeling wench. can i go slap her?