Friday, February 22, 2008

Welcoming our newest cast member...

It is entirely possible that I am the world's most boring person. I was able to bullshit my way through two entries this week by doing the truths and lies, but now I am out of ideas.
One of my greatest fears when I started this blog was that I wouldn't have anything to blog about. I am getting very close to that place this week:

I have eaten delicious curry chicken salad, courtesy of A_.
I have eaten delicious ridiculously priced steak, courtesy of boss man.
I have gone to work.
I have brushed my teeth.
I have washed my face, but I have a pimple in the middle of my damn cheek which pisses me off.
I have coached some speeches with an old friend.
I have read other blogs (and made some stupid comments - thank goodness Nancy is as cool as she is, cause I am an idiot.)
I, uh...seriously can't think of anything else. I had frosted mini-wheats for breakfast.

However, NEXT week should be more exciting.
A_ has his surgery a week from today. We need to call and see what exactly this is going to cost us. We already paid the urologist's fee of like over two grand, but we still need to pay the facility fee (which, by the way, is bullshit. It's going to be another two grand to use the operating place for a couple hours at most. The operating place that the fucking urologist OWNS part of.) We also have to find out how much the anesthesiologist is going to cost. On top of that, we got a letter saying that we need to send in $675 ahead of time for the sperm freezing. Assuming we get some. Mthrfkrs better give us the money back if there isn't any.

When Mel asked everyone to write about how we chose our paths after IF a week or so ago, I emailed her our story and I think I mentioned that the urologist didn't really give any options. This was the diagnosis, this was the way we could still have kids, think the surgery will most likely be successful, here's the price for the surgery (left off more than half the actual cost on the brochure, mind you), I'm pretty sure your insurance won't cover it, so I need payment up front, here's my scheduler's card, call and make the appointment. Then he said he recommended the fertility clinic that the urology offices shared a building with. He really prefers that I be doing the IVF treatment at the same time. Never mind that it's taking all we have to do this first step with him. And he was off to his next appointment.

I hate this urologist.
I mean really, the more I think about it, the more I hate him. I have been really lucky with doctors in my life - my doctor growing up was very patient and nice. My doctor now spends much of her time teaching, but really wants to keep connected so she has some patients and when you see her, she listens and takes time and generally acts like she cares.
The doctor that I used to work for is incredible. He was always way behind and his patients knew that an appointment might mean waiting an hour (sometimes two) first, but once you got in there, he would spend an entire hour going over everything if you needed it. Probably 90% of our patients were gay men, about 1/3 of whom were HIV positive. Dr. R understood that sometimes they needed more than a doctor who would just tell them their latest viral load. They needed somebody to talk to and cry with. They needed somebody who cared that they couldn't afford their meds and was going to do something about it. They needed advice about how to handle their positive status and their lives, because being HIV+ was part of who they were every day. Dr. R. fucking *cares* about people.

I really don't feel like A_'s surgeon cares about us as people. Granted, this is a short relationship. It's one surgery and done. He won't be getting us pregnant, he's just be a step along the way. But still, can I get some fucking compassion? Just a brief acknowledgment that this sucks?
I mean, even the insurance coverage person I talked to, when I called in the hopes that maybe those wacky kids would cover his surgery anyways, at least seemed to feel really terrible that it wouldn't be covered. The woman looked it up and seemed really, genuinely sorry when she told me it wasn't covered and I began to cry.

So basically what I have been trying to say is that I get to give the first doctor "name" on my blog. I'm sure it's been used before, but...Welcome, Dr. Dick, to Who Shot my Stork.


  1. Is there any other option than Dr. Dick? He sounds awful, and the last think you need during this stressful time is somebody who doesn't even try to act like they care. I'm really sorry!

  2. Echoing Ahuva Batya, it would seem like there must be somebody better out there. Although I know you may feel that you're a week out, so let's just go ahead with it.

    We had a similarly horrible time with Dr. Az-hat. Unfortunately for us, he couldn't even come up with a surgery to make money off us so treated us even more azzily.

  3. I know you're down to the wire and already put your money on the table, but yeah, if you hate Dr. Dick, you may want to find another urologist. Though believe me, I understand: there aren't always options.

    The whole shitty circumstance makes it even easier to detest Dr. Dick and his arrogant ways. I am so sorry you and A_ have to endure this!

  4. Man, I had the same blogger-block today. I even wrote a very lengthy post and then decided it was totally stupid and wouldn't post it. It must be going around. It's been a slow day in the blog realm.

    And yeah, I have gotten to where I'm almost scared when I have to meet a new doctor because I hate having a doctor that spends zero time with a patient. It's just unprofessional, in my opinion. I'm paying as much for your service as the next person, and part of your service includes understanding me and what issues I'm having, which I can't do if you've got one foot out the door on your way to your next patient. Gaaaah.
    It sucks that you're having to pay for all of it up front, and that you're having a crappy experience with this guy. Fuckem, is what I have to say.

  5. Fuckem, indeed. Maybe all urologists are jerks, cause I had some issues with the one who did Manny's surgery, too. I'm so sorry you have to go through all this stuf - I know how desperately I want compassion in this journey and how hard it is when I don't get it, especially from the people who are supposed to be helping. I hope the surgery goes perfectly and you can move on from Dr. Dick and on to someone who will give you what you need.

    And your comments, at least all the ones I've ever read, are gold! You could just link to the freakin' hilarious comments you leave on my posts if you can't think of anything to say. Although it sounds as though that will no longer be an issue as of next week...

    Take care.

  6. That is crazy that we were posting at the same time. Our spooky kindred spirit vibes are freaking me out!

    And I'm totally not joking about a visit - you are both welcome anytime. I love having company who have never been here - it's a rare chance to get to the place I've lived almost my entire life through fresh eyes.

    Hope your weekend is extra fun for you.

  7. Yah-zus! What a prick. Ha ... actually I'm kinda laughing at myself right now ... thinking about a "dick" doc being a (little) prick. Sorry ... my mind wanders quite readily.

    My experience with any type of surgical specialist (and urology is definitely a surgical specialty), is that they all tend to be curt, short-tempered and impatient. Even my bro, who is currently an orthopedic resident says that most surgeons have the motto of "If it's broke, all you need to do is go in and fix it." How nice, eh? Nothing like compassion or empathy.

    Anyway, just wanted to wish you guys the best of luck. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers next week. (And yeah ... I said prayers ... even if I'm not THAT devoted of a Catholic ...)

  8. Sucks that insurance won't cover it. I always wonder what kind of people would want to be urologists. Or proctologists. Or podiatrists.

  9. Ha, Dr. Dick seems most appropriate. It is just one surgery, but it's a huge step in a very emotional experience so you would think he could summon up the compassion for the time being. I'm sorry that he's like that.

  10. I'm sorry you have to deal with Dr. Dick. He sounds like he deserves that name, if not something more profane and horrible. However, I will gladly sing his praises if the surgery is smooth and gets the results you need!

  11. That sucks about the urologist. But I agree that as long as it's just for a short time, it's nothing you should have to worry about. His attitude probably spills over to his life and he's reaping what he sews. (sews? that doesn't seem right.)

    Exciting about the surgery! I hope they find bunches of sperm and you get bunches to freeze. Sure, the whole "you only need one" is out there, but fuck that. I hope you get millions. :)

    And you didn't leave any stupid comments at all. You were just worried you did but I explained how I wasn't shocked by what you said, I was astounded that you knew! That's all!

  12. That's funny, because Hubby's urologist is an ass too. When we found out that Hubby like almost no swimmers we went to him to see what our options were and his response was "Well, there might be some things we can do...but lets not worry about that right now becuase it would be wrong to have kids before (Hubby) gets a kidney transplant. You wouldn't want to do that, now would you?" Uh - YEAH! We kinda would! Jerk. Maybe it's a "thing" with urologists??

  13. It's a surgeon thing. I just couldn't believe how much my surgeon was like one on TV.

    Luckily, my surgeon was nice. But he was also overbearing, impatient, condescending, patronizing, and vaguely sexist. I didn't mind that much, because I just needed him to do this one thing and do it WELL. Of course, if he'd been mean, I would have minded. A lot.

    Hang in there, hon. It'll be over soon. And then you'll know what you have to work with. And then you can go forward from there.

  14. I saw a urologist for my kidney & I would have given him the same nickname, if it weren't for the fact that he probably did kind of save my life & stuff.... but I think it's not only a surgeon thing, but a urologist thing too. I hope you & A_ get through it fairly painlessly & you never have to see him again!

    And why do they all think it's so financially easy to just do what they 'prefer' in regards to treatments? Do they really all forget there is such a thing as budgets in the real world?

  15. I hope this week goes by fast, the surgery goes well, and you are able to move forward without looking back and wasting any more energy on this idiot of a urologist. Seriously, dealing with this asshole is the last thing you need.

  16. I'm pretty sure I don't need to tell you how much it blows to be forking over all that money, but I certainly understand. DH's urologist wasn't quite an asshole, but definitely abrupt. Am glad his job is long done. It is definitely a surgeon thing.

    We banked 3 samples of sperm (at the cost of an additional $900) and we haven't used a drop.

    I am hoping this surgery is successful for you and A.