Sunday, March 2, 2008

My poor husband

Once upon a time A_ was a professional chef. He cooked fancy food in a fancy restaurant. He no longer cooks professionally, but he still makes amazing things for me to eat. He whips up scones out of thin air and does a mean bbq. He brulees sweet creamy goodness and whispers sweet nothings to chicken.
I blame him for being fat - I was thin as a child.
Growing up, my mom was not a very good cook. She had a few things that she cooked really well, but then she'd try to experiment and end up with a rebellion against her neon orange meatballs. I have inherited this from her.
I can cook about four things really, really well: curry, chili, and apple pie.

Ok, that was only three. Pathetic.

The first time that A_ came to my apartment, I cooked dinner. My roommate made an amazing tequila lime chicken and I had listened halfheartedly to his directions. When A_sat down to eat I spooned out rubber in a bath of tequila. It was straight up nasty. But he took a bite, choked a little on the alcohol and told me it was good. I took a bite and suggested we order a pizza.

Luckily I had made pie for dessert.

Tonight I attempted to make chicken. Once again, it was disgusting. I don't know why I can't just make it simply, but I can't. I have to experiment and it always ends poorly. Its ridiculous - who can't make chicken?
A_ took a bite and tried to be nice, but then admitted it was not actually edible.
So A_ needs to heal quickly. Otherwise we will both starve.


  1. Tonight John asked what I had in mind for dinner. I told him distractedly that I hadn't thought about it, I was busy blogging. The next thing I knew, he was holding a box of All-Bran Strawberry Medley infront of me... turns out it was pretty good. Might I suggest some delicious cereal for dinner tomorrow night?

  2. I'm boycotting cooking tonight. It appears that we'll be having cantaloupe since that's what Mr. W is butchering in the kitchen right now.

    I hope A_ gets better quickly (or both of your stomachs get stronger)!

  3. Sounds like us. I even burn toast. Good thing we both married well so we don't starve. Hope A_ is feeling better soon!

  4. I'm so curious. What did you actually do to the chicken tonight?

  5. We had some KILLER Mexican food tonight for dinner at place in Orange County.

    As far as recipes go, I have a really great simple recipe for chicken. It's called Perfect Roast Chicken by Ina Garten and it really is PERFECT + easy. I went to her website and they only had her Perfect Roast Turkey which has a lot of the same ingredients.

    Hope A feels better soon :-)

  6. See, that's JD's problem. He refuses to follow directions and won't use a recipe. Instead, he tries to think he's some creative culinary genius and makes scrambled eggs with freezer-burned blueberries and Lowry's seasoning salt. They were not good. Stop it with the inventing stuff, JD, you are not Jacques Pepin.

    Tonight, we will be having curried shrimp courtesy of Dream Dinners.

  7. Hee! I only learned to cook because I became a vegetarian at an early age, and while my mom was willing to help me learn how to do certain things, she certainly wasn't willing to cook two meals every night. Anyway, as a result, I'm a pretty decent cook and a pretty creative one as well, since scrounging together something balanced and veg. can be difficult in a southern pantry. But also as a result of the veg. thing, I tend to overcook the crap out of my meats. Unless the meat is ground meat in some sort of sauce, or is generally safe once the outside is cooked (like steak), then I have a tendency to burn it to hell. Chicken and I don't necessarily work so well together. But I have found that the use of a probe thermometer has put me more at ease and has lead to less burnage.

    As far as cooking goes, find a dish you really love, and get a recipe for it, and cook it over and over again until you get it right. And have A_ help you out with the basics as he is able to. That is what I think you can do if you want to learn to be a better cook. And I'm always fucking right, right?

    And yes, let us get to the drunken quilting as soon as possible...

  8. I love cooking, both freestyle (and yeah, experiments do fail) and by the book. But it was something I had to learn, and following recipes is what taught me. Make sure they're cool recipes, fun ones that you actually want to follow. Start simple.

    Or get some good granola until A's back in the kitchen.

  9. It's hard to screw up spaghetti, right?

  10. ROFL...I love to cook, but I've ended up with more than my fair share of "disaster dinners" as well.

  11. Too funny. I can't cook chicken either, I always screw it up. And my mom isn't that great at it either; I think it's hereditary. But my DH can do chicken AWESOMELY!! Sadly, it is the only thing he can/will do. So if it were up to him we'd eat chicken with Lipton Pasta Sides every night.

    We bought a Rachael Ray cookbook and this year are teaching ourselves how to cook more. It's fun. 30 minutes is about my attention span, tho we do call RR's recipes "45-minute meals."

  12. I am a pretty decent cook, as long as I follow a recipe. Except desserts- I can whip them up on the fly which is good for impressing the hub, but terrible for the ass!

    I go to or the food network's website. Meat is tough for me because I was also the veg. cook your own dinner because mom won't make 2 kind of girl (yet another thing kate & i have in common!) i had to have the hub help me the first few times, and still the chicken was all cut up because I kept having to check it! It'll get easier. look for the simple, quick, or few ingredients kind of recipes at first.