Yeesh. I was a little harsh about Nurse Nofilter, (and a little whiney, sorry) but it was good to have something to fixate on. My friend Becky called me last night and commented on how anxious I had been the night before when she called me. I was a little surprised because I thought I was as cool as a cucumber when I talked to her. Apparently I'm crappy at studied nonchalance.
For those of you who asked what a "ton" of sperm was, we got five vials that each have appx. 21 million of the kiddos. We have to do ICSI anyways, so just that it was there was really the most important thing. So basically, we have five tries (although can thy refreeze? I don't know). Regardless, seeing as how we can't even afford one right now, I think we'd give up before we got to five tries at IVF.
Unfortunately, the waiting room people didn't get the follow up because the doctor brought me over to the consulting area to tell me exactly how much a ton was and that we had 19% motility. I'm sure they were all disappointed not to see the picture too. I'd show you a picture of our half children, but I don't have a scanner at home. We're saving it for the baby book. (Mwahaha! I'm already turning into my mother!)
I feel so ungrateful. I should be thrilled that A_ had sperm and we got so much and blah blah blah. But all I can think about is the fact that I don't feel like we have anything to look forward to. Before now I could think about the surgery. Now what? I can think about saving money. But it'll probably be a year before I can call an RE and make that first appointment. I know it's not, but a year seems like such a long time. I feel like I have a tendency to whine on my blog (um, like right now, maybe?) and I hate it, but is that all I'm going to want to do for the next year? Nobody wants to read that. Sigh.