Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Ants or something else in my pants

Annacyclopedia wants to come be a hippy with me. So it is fitting that I wore a long crinkly hippy skirt yesterday accidentally and because of her and Kate.

See, my iBFFs are all up their gardens. They talk about their plants and take beautiful close up pictures of dew drops on leaves and achingly brilliant flowers and make me think that maybe my lazy brown thumbs should be outside.

Those jerks.

See, because I wanted to be like them, I went over to my mother's house. My mother has slowly been getting rid of every blade of grass on her property for the last 24 years. She is almost there. My mother loves nothing so much as her garden. And I enjoy it as well. I enjoy eating her raspberries and cherries and spinach and tomatoes. I enjoy stopping by in the summer to gather huge bouquets of flowers for whatever occasion calls for them. I enjoy sitting under the apple trees and reading a book.

But instead of just enjoying the fruits (literally) of her labor, I thought I should get some of her plants and try and grow them over here in my yard.

My friend B_ came with to look for plants. We took the tour and took notes about what we each wanted and what the plants needed to thrive. Then we went back and started digging and bagging. We filled up the entire back of my station wagon. But just as we were finishing


I ran inside and pulled my pants off. As I did so, I caught a brief glimpse of a winged bug monster thing.
It was still somewhere in my pants and I didn't want to reach my hand in to find it, so I threw them in the washing machine, slammed the lid closed and turned it on. I figured that would take care of my tormentor.

However, as I was now pants-less, I had to grab the long hippy dippy skirt my mom had hanging up in there.

So Anna, thanks to you, your dream for us to be hippies has at least partially come true.


  1. You make me laugh more than any of my real life friends. I am glad you are enjoying your hippy days. And I hope this does not end your gardening envy!

  2. You so funny, Io! Yeah, my iBFF is a big gardener and I feel like a Bad Backyard Mama by comparison. Here's the thing about gardening: backaches, bugs, and weeds. Blech!

    I hope your garden treasures take well and thrive.

    P.S. It's nice that your mom has such a green thumb b/c all those plants would've cost a small fortune otherwise!

  3. I'm sure it was a monster. NO fucking doubt.

    I hate flying things. And crawling things. And jumping things.

    Problem is though, I'm a bit semi buddhist, which means I don't kill. But I think about it.

  4. I am laughing so much I fell out of lurkdom!

    I don't like gardening but I like plants. My solution is to plant only things that can live by themselves in my yard. It is survival of the fittest around here!

  5. Gardening is well worth it once you get the hang of it! Hang in there and you will soon be enjoying the fruits of your own labor!
    Here from NCLM!

  6. Bahahahahaha! Ya stinky hippie! With bug bites on your nether regions, no less! I'm feeling more complete picturing you in your mom's skirt, watching the washing machine kill your attacker.

    That story rules.

  7. You so crazeeeeee! You make me lahahahahahahaugh!

  8. Ha! That would have ended my gardening career right there. As it is, I hate having dirt under my nails and pulling weeds, so I'll just buy my veggies. :) Good luck getting back into it though!

    (from NaComLeavMo)

  9. There's nothin' quite like a bug up your pants, eh?

    Re: my "friend": No. She is a horrible, vapid b*tch! :)

  10. hilarious. hope your plants all grow. your mom's garden sounds wonderful. lucjy you get to enjoy the fruits of her labor.

  11. That? Right there? My whole problem with nature.
    Hopefully your garden grows!

  12. Thanks for helping me start my morning with a giggle!! : )

  13. Oh my sounds like something that would happen if I tried gardening. My DH got me a chia garden for herbs one year (I know you are totally jealous, don't lie) and I killed the all. How hard is it to grow herbs on a chia sponge? Too hard for me!

    Hope your planting works out! I'll stick to killing my indoor plants.

  14. Oh yuck. I enjoy gardening but do it with socks over my forearms to stop creepy things from crawling up my sleeves. They freak me out.

    Sounds like a nice day apart from the bug though.

  15. eeek, I hate bugs!!! Hope it didn't leave too big of a bite mark.

  16. hee hee hee! Yay, I am so glad you are back. The Internets missed you.

  17. I'm over from NCLM. Your story has me laughing...just goes to show us that we never know when something is going to crawl up and bite us in the ass! Hehe :-) My 90 year old grandma is the ultimate gardener and no matte what I do, my garden and flowers look pathetic next to hers. Oh well, I guess I'll keep trying!

  18. son of a bitch! I had an awesome and long comment typed up and it got EATEN. GRRR!

    Anyway, what I was going to say is this:
    First- I wanna be hippies with you and annacyclopedia!
    Second- My IRL BFF said that she wants to be a hippie, but only 'cos she wants to wear the long flowy skirts all the time. To me, the skirts are the only negative to the whole being-a-hippie thing, as I look like a giant pasty peeled potato popping out of a sack whenever I wear one.
    Third- I wish I could go over to my mom's house and steal her plants. But my mom doesn't garden. My dad does, but he and mom live in Texas, so I can't just go over and steal their plants and whatnot. Of course, they are coming here in June to bring furniture so maybe they'll bring me garden shit, too. Must start dropping hints now.
    Fourth- The bugs are the WORST part of gardening. I've made no secret of my phobia of the flying stinging things, but creepy-crawlies are not so good, either. I stay out of the garden in mid-day when the bugs are the most active, I shake the stalks of plants before handling them, and I have been known to run shrieking across the lawn, just 'cos something got too close for comfort. So yeah. I'm certainly not immune to the bug-hate/fear just because I like to grow shit. But man. That bug was a real asshole to you. I hate that bug.

    Fifth- I think we need to have a blogger's real life garden tour. We can start south and work our way north so that everything will be in bloom as we arrive. And by "garden tour", I mean sitting in lawn chairs sort of close to the garden drinking really cold beer. Sounds good, no?

  19. You know what would have been way cool? Is if you had taken a picture of what was in your pants.

    Get your mind out of the gutter. You know what I mean.

  20. Love it! Someone is trying to tell you something :)

  21. I love a girl who isn't afraid to take her pants off. Actually, know that I think about it - doesn't infertility take credit for how quickly you were able to whip those babies off?

    Thanks for visiting me over at beginning the ending (I quess I need an acronym). I find we have a few things in common. Interracial marriage (R.I.P. Mildred Loving), being married to a lawyer, not getting NASCAR, oh and infertility too.

  22. Oh you just gave me goose bumps...I am very cautious when stepping around my garden--the creepy-crawlies definitely like to chomp on my skin.
    Hope the bug is now drowned in a load of laundry. ;0) Just hope you dont run into the carcass later...ewwww!

  23. Sorry for your bite, but happy for the laugh. At least you had a hippie skirt waiting for you, right? I mean, it could have been worse, right?

  24. I love gardens like that. I'm starting out slowly but I hope to achieve a nice lush English cottage garden. Maybe I should get some long crinkly hippy skirts--they sound so comfortable!!! You have a great blog!!

  25. hahaaaa! Winged bug monster thing! Yikes!

    I agree, Kate's garden IS awesome! I might post some pics of my garden this Sunday for show and tell.

  26. "winged monster bug thing". Sprite just flew through my nose.

  27. That's hysterical. And now, if you are anything like me, you will realize that you have waaaaay more stuff to plant than you actually feel like planting, and it will sit in bags for weeks, and you will feel guilty every time you look at it.

    Never fear--as long as you keep it watered, it will last indefinitely. In fact, I have a bag with a plant in it that I failed to plant last summer. It survived snowstorm after snowstorm this winter, and is regrowing, still in the bag. I'm thinking maybe this will be its weekend. . .

  28. You are so cute! You know my husband and I have become "gardeners" since we moved to Cairo. We laugh at ourselves and never thought we'd enjoy it as much as we do. Hope your plants prosper....

  29. That would have been enough for me to sign off of gardening for good. lol

    I like your blog!