(You might not want to read this if you are pregnant. Or have kids. Or pretty much have any plan to have kids. It's not that I don't love you, it's just that I am a raging hormonal bitch today.)
Last night I had a dream that I met another woman who was dealing with infertility and I was so excited to tell her all about Mel and Stirrup Queens and all the blogs...
As I'm telling her this though, another woman came up and she was like "NO! Don't look at the blogs! Stay here with me. I'm bitter and infertile and I never ever get pregnant. All those bloggers get pregnant and then have these..." And she whips out this beautiful little baby girl. And the new girl and I get all soft and doe eyed and start to melt. So the baby disappears.
Then I woke up (before my alarm dammit) because I had bad AF cramps.
Obviously, my brain is a jealous, weaselly little shit. And my period doesn't help. I am feeling very hormonal and self pitying again today. And it seems like half my blogroll has gotten knocked up lately. And I am happy for them! I really, truly am! I have cried tears of joy for their BFPs.
I just hate feeling left behind, like there is nothing I can do. I mean, it. won't. happen. I can't hope that somehow a miracle will occur, because there is exactly a 0% chance of it. Not even 1/100th of a percent. And so I'm feeling all sorry for myself again. And I don't mind being a bitter bitchy wench about my crackhead neighbors with kids. But how pathetic does my brain have to be to give me a dream that bashes other infertiles?