DON'T DO IT.
Suicide is bad, but really? Blowing your brains out? Messy and not always that effective. My next door neighbor did it a few years ago and hung on for a week. It was not pretty.
I promise that whatever is hurting right now can't hurt like that forever.
***Now, to the person who googled "cat poop infertility": It is. It really is. IF is totally cat pooptacular.