Friday, May 23, 2008

An Open Letter to the bitch in the Urology of Indiana Billing Department

Look Lady,
I generally try to be nice when dealing with customer service people. I understand that it is generally not their fault that whatever issue I have with my bill exists. I do not yell, or threaten, or even get brisk. I am nice and kind and dripping in motherfucking honey. Because I know what it feels like to get yelled at over the phone for something that is not your fault.


This is the third erroneous bill we have received for A_s MESA. We paid for the surgery when we scheduled it, because you told us that was what we needed to do. The first two bills we received I called and talked to somebody else in the billing department. The first time I was upset, but not angry. The second time I was angry, but I did not yell. And now you send us a third bill for money we do not owe. In fact, you owe US money because we were overcharged. And yet, when I call you say - I have no record of you calling before.

I'm not surprised. After all, if somebody had written down when I called, I imagine they would have also fixed the motherfucking billing problem like they said they would! Do you think I am IMAGINING that I called and spoke to somebody?

And getting an attitude when I ask you to send me confirmation that I called you? Not ok. See, I want a "record" that I have called you before. (Other than my phone records which you apparently don't think count as proof.) Because otherwise, when you send me another bill next month, you might tell me once again that you have no record I called. Every time I call, it will take 30-45 days for us to get a refund. Do you not have my $120? Is this a stalling technique? Because your offices are really fucking nice, so I think maybe, just maybe you can send it to me right now, as it has been longer than 45 days since the money was first promised to me.

So send me a letter saying that I called and you "fixed" the problem. Because I want that letter and then I want you to send me another bill. Because I would ENJOY driving up to the office and ripping you a new one in person. I've had a bad couple of weeks and while wine and punching pillows helps, actually being able to scream at a real live person would be even nicer.


P.S. I hope somebody googling your office *does* find this.

P.P.S. Gad, I'm so immature. Oh well. Happy Memorial Day Weekend everyone!


  1. Whenever a letter begins with "Look Lady," you just know it's gonna be good.

    What a freakin' billing nightmare! Unfortunately, sometimes the only thing that solves situations like this is to send a letter. I hope it doesn't come to that, though.

    Have a great weekend, missy!

  2. Try calling the Health Care Bureau with the State Attorney General's office for advice on how to deal with these annoying people. I promise you it is not that difficult to put fear in the heart of the billing department. I wouldn't be surprised if there are errors in your husband's file. Perhaps you should suggest a financial audit and that you are contacting the Attorney General regarding their billing practices? Turn your frustration into fun harassing them back. They may even pay you to go away. Good luck.

  3. Yeehaw! You tell 'em!

    I am like you, in that I generally attempt to drip with honey, but when someone fucks up, I make it clear that I am not fucking pleased. And I always add something like, "Look, I know that this isn't personally your fault, but all the same, you need to let someone know that this isn't okay. I get the feeling that all the other people that I've talked to have ignored me because I haven't been a jerk. So now, I'm angry and I'm not going to hide it, but all the same, I'm sorry that you have to bear the brunt of my anger. Maybe now you'll fix this, or put me in touch with someone who can." Generally, that gets results.

    And I agree with Sue. Call your SAG's office and find out who to speak to about harassing billing practices. And definitely let the Urology of Indiana billing department know that you are taking that path.

    Fuckers. If you get tired of yelling at them, let me know. I've got plenty of venom that I've been looking to spew somewhere, and I'll be glad to share for the cause.

  4. Get this, for an ultrasound I was billed, I paid the bill, they never got it although I had proof of a cashed check. I paid it again and then they found the first payment and reimbursed me for my second payment. All this took about a month to resolve. Then 4 weeks later a collection agency called. My bill (that I paid TWICE) was sent to collections. Let's just say the provider's office was lucky they were closed the moment I got the call from the collection agency.

  5. That sucks!!!

    It's nice to know that somebody else had a rant today too! :) Feel's good, doesn't it?

  6. good lord. they just don't know what's going to hit them- do they?

    bitches. I have a similar situation with a credit card that rhymes with capitol bone. I call once a month & they have no records whatsoever of it. I now have perfected the 'nice bitch' & will offer up free lessons! (but it sounds like they need some whoop-ass laid on them!)

  7. Boy that was a good letter, you should send it, lol. I have had many a go's at billing dept's dont miss it at all.

    See i live in Cairo, land of bureaucracy, everything is cash (many times more than you are told, a little something extra if you will, to get what you need to get done-RIDICULOUS really) you get no calls from biling, you get no mail/bills from anyone, its all done on site and in cash. Good in a way, but sometimes I would prefer getting pissed at a CSR if it meant I could get things done right.

    Lets hope someone Googles and passes your post to billing dept, can u imagine?

  8. While yes, wine and punching pillows have their place, a good belt-it-out at a deserving candidate, well, that totally clears my head.

    Hope the problem gets solved. Wishing you a great weekend and bque!

  9. Good for you!! I hope someone finds it too. Yeesh.

  10. You go girl! Sounds like they need a serious kick up the ass, am hoping they find this post and get in serious trouble. Fcukers.

  11. Oh for the love of fuck, what kind of fuckmuppetry is this billing bitch running?

  12. Immature? Maybe.
    Hilarious? Definitely.

  13. Good for you.....I had a "bad" experience with billing while going through my AI's too!!! And they did owe us money...

    See if they can give you a patient advocate...that's what helped us!! It still took forever to figure it out!!!

    Best of luck

  14. Ooh...I like Sue's recommendation. Scary.

    I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. You do not need the aggravation.

  15. Hi there! I'm getting an early start on NaComLeavMo and your post cracked me up!

    I (finally!) started by own blog. I hope you can stop by and check it out if you get a chance.

  16. See my post tomorrow (May 25)'re not alone!! Maybe billing departments take a class on how to screw things up as much as possible.

  17. Ouch. That's just beyond irritating.....funny how they can never process the concept that THEY owe YOU money


  18. Look lady, that letter was awesome!

    I'd print it out in duplicate and send one copy to the billing office supervisor (by name) and one copy to the physician. Docs usually don't like it if the people in their offices screw up.

    Hope you get your money sometime this decade.

  19. Why is it that if you really owe them money they have records of every conversation you've had. But when it's their error, "We have no record...". That's shit and they know it!

    I hope they get it corrected and get you your refund ASAP!

  20. Oooh... That sucks.

    I had similar issues with my insurance company. Hopefully you get it resolved. Quickly, and without having to remove someone's tonsils through their butt! :)

  21. You really need to send a letter! Really, it makes it legal so they can't ignore you.
    A friend of mine had been telling his 12-year-old son's teacher that his son couldn't read, and she never did anything about it. However, as soon as he sent an email, she forwarded it to the principal and the boy was diagnosed with dyslexia. Sometimes you need to bring things to a higher level in order to get any action.