I don't think anyone has ever managed to snag a baby shower gift at Babies R fuckfuckfuckUs as fast as I did today. On my way to J's shower I ran in to pick up her gift. You know I doubt there is a *good* time to go to BRU, but 2pm on a Saturday is quite possibly one of the worst times.
It's like Shaun of the Dead, where they need to cross the street to the pub and there are hundreds of zombies walking around bumping into each other and they have to manage to get past them, only instead of zombies there were all these pregnant women clogging up the aisles and you couldn't get anywhere without having to skirt around the bump. Only Sean of the Dead was funny.
I grabbed the registry, kept my eyes to the ground, and shoved it into the hands of the first employee I saw. I jabbed my finger at the first thing I saw in my price range and said "this."
I think she might have been scared of me since I looked like the rainman, all cocked head and averted eyes. Regardless, she ran over to the wall, grabbed the item (baby bottles as it turned out, not that I could tell from the registry) and I speed walked over to the register. After I got there and was about to pay I realized I had forgotten to get a bag. I told the cashier to hold on and ran over to the bags, grabbed one and ran back.
Was I rude and holding up the line? I.don't.care.
I went in at 2:06. I was in the car drivig away at 2:13. That included printing the (ten fucking page) registry. That's right pregnant fertiles. I'd like to see you move so fast. Bitches.
(Pregnant infertiles, I love you and go ahead and take your time. You've earned it.)
I am glad I went to the shower even though it was painful (and would have been even if I was happily spitting out babies.) J's MIL was hosting and the vast majority of guests were her friends, most of whom J was meeting for the first time. That seemed weird to me, but then what do I know? I haven't ever had a baby shower. I was the only old friend of J's there, so I'm glad I showed up even though I didn't know anyone.
It was pretty typical - games, little tiny foods, (fancy fucking pink designer) cake. I won some soap as a prize in one of the games. I tried not to stab my eyeballs out while all the women laid their babies out in front of me and started cooing and then I really had to hold my fork hand down when women started telling their labor stories. As my left hand was starting to shake with the effort of keeping my fork-holding right hand down, I said my goodbyes and escaped.