Friday, June 27, 2008

My feet hurt like a mofo

It's been a long 24 hours.
Last night a friend of mine called me, upset about her husband. He's one of those people who is a nice enough guy to be friends with, but really when you get down to it, is an inconsiderate d*uchebag. I really think my friend is far, far too good for him and can't believe the crap she puts up with. I know she wants kids, but she won't have kids with him because he can't handle being a father. I guess she is hoping he will change.

So he pulled some of his usual shit last night and I talked to her about it and told her she shouldn't put up with it, that she should say something. She's very quiet and I think she doesn't stand up for herself enough. Well, apparently she was listening because she called me a couple hours later, crying and sitting in her car.
So she came over and spent the night. She's home tonight, but they haven't dealt with anything. I hate being in that place of trying to be supportive of what she decides, but wanting to tell her to just leave that worthless sack of shit. Who cares if you love him? What good is that love if all it does is hurt you and hold you back?
How do you walk that line with your friends?

Since I had my doctor's appointment at 10, I stayed home in the morning and we sat and had coffee and talked a bit. I went to the doctor's office, only to be told that my doctor had called in sick.
Gee, thanks for letting me know.

The check in lady said the next available appointment with my doctor was July 25.
My GP is great - she takes a lot of time with her patients, is very kind, also likes to deliver babies. But she teaches at the med school and just practices a couple days a week. So it can be hard to get in to see her. And, oh yeah, my insurance is gone starting July 1.
Of course, being tired and feeling emotional from all my talking with above friend, I started to get teary and whispered that Monday was my last day with insurance. The check in lady looked at me with such sympathy that I felt even more pathetic. She asked if I was sure, since I had *just gotten* this insurance. I nodded and squeaked out "My husband got fired." I felt so pathetic, but:
She got me an appointment on Monday. Go check in lady.

Finally I made it to work, where I ran around until 3pm. We had a groomer come to the office and give Betty and the Charlie summer haircuts. They both lost half their size and are now very skinny looking. I will have to post a picture later.
After they were finished, I ran around helping put together a r*verse raffle for the local p@rish church. (A r*verse raffle is where everyone gets their name and number put on the wall and the cards are taken down one by one. The last ten people stand up and decide if they want to split or keep going. Usually, they keep going.) The priest there is a total sweetie, but he FUCKED everything up with the tickets and I had a bitch of a time fixing it. The other woman helping me agreed that G*d might forgive killing a priest in this instance.
The raffle was won by a nice girl who is very very pregnant. The last raffle we held she had just announced her pregnancy.
Happily, although she can't drink the champagne she also won, I could drink the beer.


  1. dude. go check in lady fo'sho.

  2. Wow, great check in lady no doubt. You know, sad and embarrased to say I was a friend like that in a previous life, thats a whole new blog in itself, not goin' there buddy no waaay!
    Anyway glad you got in for Monday and don't kill the sweet priest. He doesn't know any better.

  3. Awesome check-in lady! And good for you not killing the priest. That was mighty nice of you.

    And HURRAH for a groomer! I'm sure Charlie is TOTALLY adorable now.

    So, did I miss it, or are you Charlie's full-time official owner now?

    Sucky about your friend. It can be SO HARD (as someone who seems to have eternal faith in redemption) to look at a person you love and tell them that you aren't going to wait any longer for them to change. It's such an awful place to be in. I wish I had some sort of advice, but I'm the last person that should be giving it. I truly lucked out when I met H, 'cos if I hadn't, I'd still be dating the (married) turd I was dating before... but that's another story.

  4. I had a friend that had such a messed up life and consistantly stayed with the guy...(abused) etc...etc...I tried to get her help repeatedly and she still stayed with him...anyway...she ended up moving to Alaska with him and basically he made her cut off contact with all her old family and friends...I pray for her daily, but there is only so much one person can do. I truely feel for her.

  5. Unfortunately you can't do anything except be there for your friend. Telling her to leave could just drive her closer to him. And ruin your friendship. Or she could wake up & see that she could do it. There's just no way to know & for me it's not worth the risk. Maybe just explain that you'll always be there for her no matter what, but it's hard for you to see her hurting like she is & not be able to help?

    Dude- check in lady rocks! I'm so happy she got you in!

    Can't wait see Charlie's pic!

  6. I never have understood why people put up with shitty relationships...even when I was in shitty relationships I didn't understand why I put up with them. Love is NOT enough. You have to have the happiness, too!

    Check-in lady rocks!

    Yay for not killing the priest!

  7. Thank the goddess for nice check in ladies with big hearts.

    You know, I think you're doing all you can for your friend. She's going to need something to wake her up big time (from the sounds of it--maybe she won't need that) and there's not much you can do until that shit hits the fan except remind her of how cool, strong, and lovable she is by spending good gal time with her. It's really hard to love someone and just know, deep down inside, they'll change. For some reason, it's a really potent delusion any of us can fall into at times. I know I have.

  8. Wow...crazy situation with your friend. That must be so hard--she loves him but doesn't want to/can't leave him. Ugh...
    Glad you had a nice check in lady.
    Oh, and I TOTALLY think killing a priest gets you a pass straight to hell,LOL. j/k.

  9. "The priest there is a total sweetie, but he FUCKED everything up with the tickets and I had a bitch of a time fixing it."

    This sentence struck me as hilarious. Maybe it's the use of so much profanity in the same sentence as "priest", I don't know. Anyway...

    What a nice check-in lately, and you are a very good friend, too.

  10. Check in lady rocks! As does beer.

    As for supporting friends, you're doing everything you can. She's gonna do what she's gonna do no matter what you say, whether or not it's good for her, and whether or not she realizes that her relationship is a trainwreck about to happen. Listen and give neutral feedback like, "That must be so hard" or "I'm so sorry" but don't get invested in the outcome. It may sound harsh, but she hasn't found her limit of what she's willing to put up with. Until she gets to that point, there isn't much you can do to help her. Unfortunately.

    She's lucky to have you as a friend.

  11. It's hard with friends like that. I think we all have one--the world has no shortage of women putting up with lousy relationship! I try to point things out (like, "do you think it's normal that he disappears for hours and refuses to tell you where he's been?"), but I try to stay clear of recommending a path (ie, leaving him). I want my friends to be happy with the choices they make, whatever they may be. If she's happy being a doormat, I might not like it, but that's her choice. Sounds like your friend is far from happy, though. I would keep reminding her how fabulous she is, and that she has choices.

  12. aww. I wanna see Charlie!
    virtually high fivin' the check in lady.

    as for the friend. That is tough. I am going to yield to what the other smart people have said here.

  13. Yay for getting in today. I hope everything goes well!

  14. Like everyone else has said...if she ain't going to leave him there ain't much you can do except listen and encourage her to leave.

  15. That check in lady ROCKS! So glad you were able to get an appointment.

  16. Good for check in lady! Hope everything went okay. Sorry to hear about your friend. It is always hard when you can see what they can't (or won't).

  17. thank you so much for the invite to the picnic - that's awesome that you would think to ask me. normally i would say "sure" but I have to work on Wednesday. Maybe next time.....hope you have fun!

  18. "How do you walk that line with your friends?"

    I had a friend like this - except the bastard was on drugs and HITTING HER! =( (I didn't find out until afterwards). I mean, I did my best, trying to talk to her about it...but, you can't really do much. Just support her as much as possible and HOPEFULLY she will see the light in the end.

    My friend got a divorce after only 2 years of marraige and is now with another guy and is VERY happy.