Thursday, June 5, 2008

Tomorrow is Friday!

I would send you all the zeppoli (zeppole? I don't know. I don't remember any of the Italian I took in college) that A made, but it would be wrong to eat it anything but warm. And I would give you the recipe, but I was stretched out on the couch while A made it. God I'm spoiled. I know it involves butter. Lots and lots of butter.
If any of you are ever over this way though, A put a huge batch of dough in the freezer, so if you want to come over and be on the opposite of diet with me, you are more than welcome.

In terms of life, we're still in limbo. I can be a total harpy and got on A last night about what he wants to be when he grows up. (I'm a fine one to talk, being completely underemployed.) A has *multiple* degrees in completely different areas. Since he did not pass the b*r, he has been talking about all sort of other things he could do. It's almost as though because it didn't work once, that it won't work again. And I know that he wasn't really loving the big-firm culture. And that's ok. He doesn't have to go back to it. (And it might be hard to get a job with one of the other firms anyways, and certainly not until October when he (hopefully) has passed.) But I think it's mostly coming from hurt and that is not a reason to ot do something.

He also has this amazing ability to believe he can be anything he wants to be. While I want my children to believe in themselves, with my husband I worry that he will get so caught up in the fantasy of a great job in an interesting city that he won't be happy in a regular life. He's been looking at jobs in DC and Mississippi and NYC and Utah. Not normal jobs. I am willing to move for him if he got some amazing job that was going to make him happy. But I think the same complaints he has here will be true other places and that each of those places have their own issues. (Not to mention that while I love him and I love NYC, we can't afford to be homeless there, much less live in a shoebox.)

I don't know. This feels so rambly. It's hard for me to articulate what I feel about our situation. I just hate that we are in it. I hate that I call him when I am coming home and ask what he's doing and he thinks I am harping on him because he's doing nothing but sitting and watching tv. Last night I tried to explain that I thought he was focusing on a fantasy job and I think he was sort of hurt.
I feel guilty. I don't want to force him into begging for a job he doesn't even want.

Blah.


I went ahead and sent in an application to C**per in addition to the straight donation application I sent in locally. If I get chosen by somebody to donate, great. If I get chosen by somebody through C**per for a split cycle, well, I have decided that I will find a way. Geeze, it takes me a long time to do stuff. I should have done this months ago.

14 comments:

  1. I hope your hubby finds a job he loves. I could never work at a big firm, but I LOVED my jobs with various government employers. Plus, the benefits were / are amazing.

    He must be studying a lot right now, eh? I'm keeping my fingers crossed for him. When's the big day? First week in July?

    Very exciting news about the DE application!!

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  2. Dude- we are so there together. The hub give me the same concerns for the same reason. While I love that he is so confident in his abilities, I do worry that his grand dreams & endeavors will push us back even farther than we were before. but I can't really push him into a job he hates either- rock, meet hard place.

    And by the way- the beautiful city of Philadelphia has much to offer: it's sill pretty damn cheap here, close to hundreds of fabulous jobs with either big firms or small, tons to do, close to C**per, & the best part of all- you already know someone to hang out & drink wine & bitch & cry with!

    Seriously though- I'm glad you sent in your application & I know it will all work out.
    I know it will all work out.
    I know it will all work out...

    {hugs}

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  3. ps- I've nominated you- check out my blog...

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  4. I can sort of see where he's coming from. Right now he's grieving -- grieving the job he lost, the fact that he didn't pass the bar, the person he thought he would be, etc. etc. -- so he is casting about for a role that fits. With time, I expect, he'll settle into a "him" that he can live with. Goo dluck to you both in the meantime!

    As for marrying my blog post title, I think a long engagement first might be best :)

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  5. You don't sound jumbled at all. It sounds to me like you just want A_ to have a definitive plan for what happens next, with steps on how to get there. He'll get there; he just needs a little more time and to get this b*r thing behind him.

    Best of luck with the cycle apps! I sending all kinds of good mojo that both of them come through so you can have your pick of the route you want to go.

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  6. I can understand how A is feeling. Although V is working, it's not in a job he loves. I'm not sure he ever did. But he's not looking because we can't afford to lose the benefits he has currently, even though we have no idea if we'll be able to cycle any time soon. I guess Toronto is out of the running, eh? ;)

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  7. I actually can see why you'd be frustrated by the hunt for a "fantasy" job. One of the things you pretty much have to accept when you go to law school (unless it was paid for in advance), is that you have to be a lawyer in order to pay back the loans.

    But you don't have to work for a big firm to be a lawyer. I can't imagine having to cope with the big-firm atmosphere. Ugh. Makes me shudder just to think of it. I work for the government, and when I'm not choking on beurocracy (which I just can't spell!), I love my job. I mean, I understand why he feels burned, but if I were you I'd be frustrated, too.

    See, my comment was just as rambly as your post!

    As an aside: he's looking in both DC and Utah? How random is that? (Extra random from my POV. I live in DC. Grew up in Utah. But don't tell anyone--I'm still hiding from my Mormon past.) Oh, and when you move to DC you must let me know. We'll be BFFFFF!

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  8. I think that your hubs will shake it off soon I couldnt imagine even taking the bar let alone passing. It will be ok and while it is not you have us to listen. Good luck and let me tell you one thing if my man went into the kitchen and made me even a sandwich I would kiss his ass so I am totally jealous of your husbands culinary talents!!!

    Oh and about you donating your eggs I think that is the most selfless, thoughtful, incredible thing for you to do and I admire you for it.

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  9. Hey Chica,

    If, by some chance, he ends up with an interview in NYC on June 17, you should fly out with him and join L and myself for some partying after *my* interview. That, and you *are* going out there so the 3 of us can cause trouble if I get this internship.

    Tell A not to give up on the b*r. After all, Jerry Brown didn't pass his first time, and he went on to be Gov (and now Atty Gen) of CA! (So Wikipedia told me, at least). A is smart. I'm sure he will find something that fits.

    Hugs!
    --D.

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  10. I don't have much to say, but that I'm sorry you are both going through this.

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  11. Hoping that A figures it out sooner than later.

    Congrats on the C**per app! I will be talking to my hubby this weekend about all the stuff the counselor brought up last night - so I'll email you on Monday with our thoughts.

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  12. Ah, it's so tough to ride that fine line between enthusiastic support and enthusiastically encouraging a serious reality check. I'm a little like your husband in that way, I think. When I get hurt or when something doesn't work out perfectly the first time, I have to go and lick my wounds and concoct ways to never have to be hurt like that again. And eventually I snap out of it, but it does take a while.

    I think that as long as he's still going to re-take the bar, then likely, deep inside, he probably understands that his far-out job ideas are fantasy. And I think eventually, he'll kind of snap out of it a bit. But in the mean time, it can be hard on you as the one still plugging away at your (nice but underpaid) job to know what to do to support/encourage, but still be realistic.

    I wish I actually had advice for you, but it's a tough situation to figure out. Man, it was so much easier when the men plugged away at some thankless corporation or factory 'cos they just had to to support their families and the women just stayed home and plugged away with the housekeeping and cooking and everything. Too bad about the whole "early heart attack" for the men and rampant "mother's little helper" abuse for the women (oh, and the whole "trapped" feeling for both genders...). But other than that, it was peachy! No one had any dreams or ambitions 'cos that would be a total waste of time, right??? Ah, for a chance to be back in the easy days... (/sarcasm)

    And good for you for getting on the ball with the C0.0per application. Good for you.

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  13. I am sorry you are going through this. I went through something similar when Hubby failed his bar exam. He had to take it a couple of times before he passed. He did question whether he wanted to be a lawyer. He ended up talking with someone who grades the bar exams and figured out what he needed to do to pass it. He passed it a couple of years ago, and is now starting his own law practice. I would encourage him to retake it, if you can.

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  14. Just sending good thoughts.

    And come with him if he has to interview in D.C.

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