Oh Thanksgiving. I'm trying, I am.
I have been painful depressed the past few days. Not quite take all the food out of the refrigerator and curl up inside it depressed, just go to bed early and not talk to A because I don't feel like I can say anything that won't just be guttural wailing depressed.
I decided not to apply for that job I asked you all about. I know it's silly, but I felt like if I applied and got it I would feel obligated to take it for the money. And it made me actually cry to think about leaving my job. It's one thing if I have to leave it because of A finding work somewhere, but choosing to leave so *I* can move somewhere and take another job? I would not be happy. And I know that might seem irrational to many of you, but unless I absolutely have to , I am not going to leave. And A agreed. It didn't feel right to either of us.
So it's back to hoping A gets a job here in town. He's got a few classes he can pick up Spring semester at the U he was teaching at before, and while it will be part time, it should be enough to keep our heads above water for a bit. So we'll continue to tread.
I am feeling better today and looking forward to Thanksgiving. It is important to remember all the wonderful things I do have. (Like a husband who cleaned the house today - oh how I love that he cooks and cleans.) I am also so very very thankful to have such amazing people living in my computer.
A and I first became a couple on Thanksgiving, so it's always a nice memory to have. We knew each other and were friendly. He had told me to give him a call if I came into town and I did. We went out for coffee and I ended up staying at his apartment until 4am, talking.
We always do Thanksgiving with his family. They don't do Christmas, so this is their holiday. And they always do it up right. I mean, I always loved T-day food and all, but wow. This family can COOK. I do feel bad about my parents being all alone this year though. My brother won't be coming home to visit until March and my sister won't come back until Christmas. In past years, they spent Thanksgiving with their best friends in town, but last year their friends both died within two weeks of one another. We invited them to come with us, but my mom said they would be fine by themselves. We are leaving Charlie with them, which I think my mom is looking forward to. She really misses her dog and I know she is looking forward to retirement this year so she can get another one. In the meantime, her grandpuppy is a good fill in.
In addition to the usual family Thanksgiving dinner, we are in Indy in the morning. One of my friends from high school has a brunch every year that her mom has hosted since we graduated. Originally it was a way of everyone catching up on college break, but this is the eleventh year and we are hoping to go forever. There are usually ten to twelve people. We have drinks, eat fresh fruit and bagels and sweet bread and her mom makes the most delicious noodle kugel ever. (God, the kugel is something I know everyone looks forward to every year. It is AMAZING. I got the recipie a few years ago but it was missing the magic touch.) We get some silly turkey gift and take a group picture which goes in the official Turkey Book.
So after a huge brunch, a huge dinner, and leftovers on Friday, I will be back twenty pounds heavier, with more leftovers and sweet potato pie. Until then, I wish all of you a happy Thanksgiving. For those of you not in the US, I will eat some extra for you. It's a sacrifice, but one that I am willing to make.
EDIT: Oh! And I am thankful, despite the fact that I wanted to go to bed early tonight so I could get sleep before tomorrow, that I am about to go out and meet up with my friends. My old speech partner proposed to his girlfriend at a basketball game tonight and (I assume she said yes) we're all supposed to go congratulate them.