Sunday, December 21, 2008

Well geeze.
I've recovered from the flu, but the past few weeks I've felt like a big depressed walking panic attack. I stopped blogging because I can walk around depressed and survive. But if I turn to introspection (Don't laugh. I count this as thought. For reals.) I start to panic and I can't breath. And whenever I tried to comment on somebody's blog I felt like I was going to spread my crazy. If something good happened I felt like people would see through my congratulatory words to me screaming and if something bad happened I wouldn't be able to cheer you up, I'd just encourage you to go off the cliff with me. (No, no, not suicidal. Just occasionally binge drinking and (god help me it';s hideous I know, I know) smoking. As a friend said to me as she saw me pick up a cigarette "What the fuck? When did you start smoking?! Think of your ovaries!"
Fuck my ovaries.)

So. As soon as I start to think I'm going to clean out my four hundred strong google reader and get my shit together (I signed up for ICLW. Good for forcing me to get it together.) my computer's airport card dies. So my internet access is going to spotty at best.
But I promise to come back soon. I miss you guys.

68 comments:

  1. Oh Io. I miss you too.

    I truly hope you are not hurting too much. Breathe. Deep. And know somehow everything will someday be o.k. I promise.

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  2. Darling! Big (((hug)))

    No pressure to start posting again. Just wanted to say that I've suffered with depression so I understand. When you are ready it would be great to hear about your adventures again. Most important thing is to look after yourself. x

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  3. Glad to hear that you've recovered from the flu.

    Hoping you feel more like yourself soon.

    *ICLW*

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  4. Oh no. I hope you're feeling better soon. And I miss your comments.

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  5. Ok, and by 'comments' I meant to write support. But of course I"m a bit incoherent at the moment.

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  6. Been thinking about you a lot and hoping that you are okay. Welcome back and I hope it's just what you need.

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  7. I've thought about you and wondered where you were.

    I hope you feel better soon. Sometimes a blog break is just neccesary. It's healthy to be able to walk away and come back when you're ready.

    Take care, you.

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  8. I really hope things turn around for you soon. The internet is definitely more boring with Io around.

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  9. THERE you are! I was starting to get worried about you.

    Hope the clouds lift soon, love. And please don't worry about bringing us down; we can handle it.

    xo

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  10. I hope that nasty flu is behind you! I've missed hearing from you. Sometimes we all need to step away for a bit. We're here to listen whenever you're ready. ::big hugs::

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  11. You are back! I missed you.

    No big hurry for you to post again. When you are ready, you are ready- so no big hurry.

    And that totally sucks about the flu.

    HUGS!

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  12. I've been wondering where you've been! If you didn't show up for work or if you didn't come home one day people would worry and start looking for you. That's kind of hard to do in the blogosphere but I was about to find a way to send out a search party. As for what you've been going through...don't you know that's what we are all here for? I hope you are feeling better. Depression can be debilitating. Take care of yourself. Let us support you. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Welcome back!

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  13. I've missed you too! So glad to see you back.

    Sending big HUGS.

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  14. Visiting from ICLW...I hope things get better soon!

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  15. Io!!! I miss you too!!! I hope that things are avegetting better- don't worry about a break, sometimes it's just whats needed.

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  16. Glad to see you recovered from your illness and you didn't jump off that cliff! Hang in there, we'll be just fine with you spreading your crazy...we've pretty much all cycled through crazyland a time or two.

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  17. So good to see you pop up in my google reader!

    I hope you feel better soon!

    I am pushing 2008 out the door. 2009 will be better I know it.

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  18. I was starting to get worried about you, so thank you for checking in!

    And you take your time getting back to the blogosphere. You're missed, no doubt about it - but taking care of YOU is more important right now!

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  19. Missed you! Hope you are completely healed from the damn flu--been thinking about you and wishing I could have brought you soup! Now, if you end up moving to NC, we can solve that problem in the future=)
    Sending you warm thoughts...

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  20. oh hell have I missed you. So much. And I totally hear & GET the need to pull away from the blog world. The depression shit is the worst. And if I didn't get myself to my doc and get on wellbutrin last January I would not have survived. If you want to share dark thought moments I am here. Sometimes just having a dark moment off is good to get you over the humps.
    XOXO

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  21. This time of year can really suck the big ones.

    But smoking? NOOooooo. That's so not the answer.

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  22. Miss you, girl. Hang in there, and do what you gotta do to get yourself through this.

    xo

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  23. I miss you too! I'm sorry you feel so shitty but I am ready to read your latest adventures (or musings) when you feel like the time is right! xoxo

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  24. I was wondering where you were and I was ready to drop you an email. I know I've gone through a few periods where other peoples joy threw me into the pit of despair and I took blogging breaks. Do what you need to do for YOU! (except cigarettes!)

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  25. I'm glad you're coming back, but I totally get what you mean about blogging & introspection. Good on you for being able to come back now.

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  26. Good. And although you needed the break - I'm still going to yell at you. You fucking scared me!!! But, alas, I still love ya.

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  27. I've been quiet and sad, too, lately. And it's ok, sweetpea. We just do whatever we need to do to get through this life. You're in my thoughts and prayers and my heart always - posts and comments or no. Smooches and a dozen of the vegan kamut chocolate chip-coconut-Skor chip cookies I made yesterday.

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  28. I'm so sorry your feeling so craptacular! I know the feeling, I think a lot of people do!
    Thinking of ya and sending you lots of hugs!
    HUGS,
    -D *ICLW*

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  29. I'm glad you are physically feeling better Io but I really hope you can pull out of the darkness you are in. Lots of {{{hugs}}} and prayers for you.

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  30. I agree with everyone else, the big, wide internets is a lonely place without you. Hang in there. You've had a lot on your plate this year and it makes sense you need some time to slog through it. You will though. With humor and good grace and you'll come out more than fine. Hang in.

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  31. Sorry things are crap right now. I know you're going to be okay. No really, you are. I promise. It may take a little doin', but you'll get there. And if you'd like to throw some of your crazy my way in the meantime, I'm all for it (just don't be surprised if you get a little crazy right back at you!).

    Hugs.

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  32. Oh, my Io-friend... sometimes life is just a shit-sandwich, huh? I really hope you get to feeling better.

    As for smoking, feh. I smoked for so damn long (not that I'd recommend it), and apparently, my ovaries are still quite functional. A random one-month stint as a smoker won't mess you up too badly...

    Thinking of you... (and hope you have a good holiday, despite the crazy- I know I'm trying to ignore my insanity long enough to pretend to have a happy frickin' holiday...)

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  33. Hey - just hear to spread a little good cheer. I hope things are looking a brighter for you...

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  34. Miss you too Io! I hope you have a lovely Christmas...

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  35. Sending you lots of hugs. I knw how you are feeling. Take all the time you need.

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  36. Big Hugs sweetie... Take your time, I will still be stalking you when you are ready to come back!!!

    Hugs,
    Reb

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  37. When you get a chance and feel up to it.

    I tagged you in my blog!
    The Unfair Struggle: Random Things About Me...

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  38. I'm pretty crazy over here anyways, so don't worry about spreading any crazy to me! Blog away! (If you want!)

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  39. Glad to see you back. Hope the fog clears soon for ya.

    From a fellow soldier in the infertility wars (though I suppose you'd say I'm on the other side...I'm a 2X surrogate). Love your blog.
    susanb573.easyjournal.com

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  40. Good that you are feeling better now...and there is absolutely no pressure to post. Relax and take it easy!

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  41. You write like i think :-) Hope you're doing better {{HUGS}}

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  42. Io- that is the best part of this world - there is NO pressure! To be or say or do anything on a timeline. Well - ILCW kinda has a timeline...but again..flexible!!

    Take your time coming back. We are an introspective bunch, aren't we?

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  43. Yes, my 2c breathe deeply and think calm thoughts.

    Oh my stars I don't know what to say. I have no advice but I can pray ...

    Dear Lord, Please give “peace” at this time. Cover her in your hedge of protection and help her get her "stuff" together (only the good stuff if you please)

    Fill her with your strength so that she may get through each day, knowing You are there with her every step of the way. I pray for her comfort in knowing You are in control. Amen.

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  44. I forgot to add ...
    Here from ICLW...No. 88
    My Little Drummer Boys
    Ps Don't come visit my blog today it is a tad sad.

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  45. I miss you, too.

    Just no smoking any of those cloves or whatever. :)

    Here's to a better 2009 for all of us.

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  46. *hugs* The flu is always so nasty and never seems to want to leave. I hope you continue to feel better.

    I understand about wanting to go off the cliff: It all just sucks.

    ICLW

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  47. Continuing to think about you and sending love your way, Io. Take your time to take care of yourself and know how much we care about you, friend.

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  48. Aw sweets ... I'm late on the commenting, but just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and sending you giant hugs.

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  49. 50 comments! Will you even read this far down?

    I so understand where you're coming from. I too sometimes worry that all I am capable of doing is spreading the crazy around.

    Try not to get too isolated, if you can avoid it. Drinking is fine and all, but drinking with friends is better.

    Miss you, honey!

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  50. MISSING YOU!! Hope you are doing okay.

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  51. Missing you and hoping you are well. {{hugs}}

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  52. Missing you, hope you are o.k. Come back and share you humor!!

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  53. I have so, SO felt that way before. Many times before, in fact.

    Feel better soon hun!!

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  54. I have missed reading your blogs! Come back to us :)

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  55. just want to let you know i miss you.

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  56. Io, COME BACK!!! We miss the crazy! Spread it around!!!

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  57. Just checking in to see how you're doing. I hope that 2009 has started off better than 2008 ended. My wish for you and A is that 2009 brings you love, joy, happiness, laughter and may your dreams come true.

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  58. Where arrrrrrrrrrrrre you? I am really missing reading your updates and are sending you loads of good vibes. I hope you're not posting because you are too busy being paid to lie on a beach somewhere and relax whilst drinking delicious cocktails named after you and consuming your body weight in amazing food that never makes you gain weight!

    Hope you're ok...

    xoxo

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  59. Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you...
    ((HUGS))

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  60. Hope you're doing okay.

    Sending hugs and Charlie-kisses.

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  61. Thinking of you and missing you...

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  62. Hope you're ok!! Update us soon.

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  63. It has been a long time since "soon." I just want to make sure you're okay, sweetie.

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  64. Are you ok, hun? Haven't heard from you in forever...I'm thinking about you.
    ((HUGS))

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