Sunday, November 30, 2008

Still recovering

I'm still alive, despite my worries about dehydration yesterday. I couldn't even keep down small bits of water. Isn't projectile vomiting fun? (/sarcasm)

I woke up today feeling a million times better and had some soup and just ate a small plate of leftovers. If I still feel good in a little while, I am going to try a small piece of sweet potato pie since I didn't have any on Thanksgiving.

It was good to see family, and Thanksgiving was okay, but I'm going to blame my sickness for being weak and too tired to write anything about it right now. Instead, I'm going to ask if anyone read this essay in the NYT magazine about using a surrogate. While I doubt I would ever be best friends with the author, I appreciated it and her honesty and was *disgusted* by the comments that people left. I get that people don't see infertility as on the same level as other diseases, but I don't understand the vitrol that it seems to inspire. What other disease gets you labeled as "selfish" for trying to treat it?

Saturday, November 29, 2008

I'll tell you all about my exciting (not really, but it was nice) holiday just as soon as I can stop throwing up. Right now I have menstrual cramps, a cold sore the size of Montana on my lip, and all I've had today is a little tea and ginger ale, all of which promptly came flying out of my mouth.

On the plus side, I don't think I will have any weight gain from this four day weekend.

Please, somebody put me out of my misery.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Thanksgiving

Oh Thanksgiving. I'm trying, I am.

I have been painful depressed the past few days. Not quite take all the food out of the refrigerator and curl up inside it depressed, just go to bed early and not talk to A because I don't feel like I can say anything that won't just be guttural wailing depressed.
I decided not to apply for that job I asked you all about. I know it's silly, but I felt like if I applied and got it I would feel obligated to take it for the money. And it made me actually cry to think about leaving my job. It's one thing if I have to leave it because of A finding work somewhere, but choosing to leave so *I* can move somewhere and take another job? I would not be happy. And I know that might seem irrational to many of you, but unless I absolutely have to , I am not going to leave. And A agreed. It didn't feel right to either of us.

So it's back to hoping A gets a job here in town. He's got a few classes he can pick up Spring semester at the U he was teaching at before, and while it will be part time, it should be enough to keep our heads above water for a bit. So we'll continue to tread.

I am feeling better today and looking forward to Thanksgiving. It is important to remember all the wonderful things I do have. (Like a husband who cleaned the house today - oh how I love that he cooks and cleans.) I am also so very very thankful to have such amazing people living in my computer.

A and I first became a couple on Thanksgiving, so it's always a nice memory to have. We knew each other and were friendly. He had told me to give him a call if I came into town and I did. We went out for coffee and I ended up staying at his apartment until 4am, talking.

We always do Thanksgiving with his family. They don't do Christmas, so this is their holiday. And they always do it up right. I mean, I always loved T-day food and all, but wow. This family can COOK. I do feel bad about my parents being all alone this year though. My brother won't be coming home to visit until March and my sister won't come back until Christmas. In past years, they spent Thanksgiving with their best friends in town, but last year their friends both died within two weeks of one another. We invited them to come with us, but my mom said they would be fine by themselves. We are leaving Charlie with them, which I think my mom is looking forward to. She really misses her dog and I know she is looking forward to retirement this year so she can get another one. In the meantime, her grandpuppy is a good fill in.

In addition to the usual family Thanksgiving dinner, we are in Indy in the morning. One of my friends from high school has a brunch every year that her mom has hosted since we graduated. Originally it was a way of everyone catching up on college break, but this is the eleventh year and we are hoping to go forever. There are usually ten to twelve people. We have drinks, eat fresh fruit and bagels and sweet bread and her mom makes the most delicious noodle kugel ever. (God, the kugel is something I know everyone looks forward to every year. It is AMAZING. I got the recipie a few years ago but it was missing the magic touch.) We get some silly turkey gift and take a group picture which goes in the official Turkey Book.

So after a huge brunch, a huge dinner, and leftovers on Friday, I will be back twenty pounds heavier, with more leftovers and sweet potato pie. Until then, I wish all of you a happy Thanksgiving. For those of you not in the US, I will eat some extra for you. It's a sacrifice, but one that I am willing to make.

EDIT: Oh! And I am thankful, despite the fact that I wanted to go to bed early tonight so I could get sleep before tomorrow, that I am about to go out and meet up with my friends. My old speech partner proposed to his girlfriend at a basketball game tonight and (I assume she said yes) we're all supposed to go congratulate them.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

I lead an exciting life

Sunday night always comes way too quickly. It was a good weekend though.
Friday we didn't really do anything, other than finding Samoa ice cream, but! my cheap move of the week was noticing that there were no rotisserie chickens. It was 6:45 and the sign said they guaranteed it between 5pm and 7pm. So I have a coupon for a free chicken! I called my mom and she was very proud. She thinks it's hilarious that I get such a kick out of stuff like that. I have the ability to get ridiculously enthusiastic about the most mundane things.
I also drooled over an online fabric retailer my friend told me about. A couple made me giggle though. I wonder if my boss wants a pillow made of this fabric for a Christmas present? (EDIT: Bwahaha...sorry Nancy, no, it's not vagina fabric.)

Saturday afternoon I went to my best friend's mom's house. His mom was having a jewelry show of stuff she had made. Darling genius D gave me a gift certificate which was very sweet of him, so I got a couple pairs of earrings and a bracelet.
I love D's parents. I hung out for a couple hours giving his dad shit and catching up with his mom. When they introduced me to people they said I was D's friend and that I was family. It's always nice to be included in somebody's family.

Saturday evening we went to my parents for dinner, and had spaghetti. There was also egg nog. Non-alcoholic. That's about as exciting as that gets.

Then today I went over to my friend M's house. She and her husband want to sell their house at some point and her garage was full of stuff. So another friend of hers and I helped her start organizing. It took six hours but we managed to take a huge load to Goodwill, throw out bags and bags, shred six years of documents they don't need, convince her husband that the moldy stuffed animals from his childhood would never again go to bed with him, and


EEK!

A lot of time was spent cleaning up a ton of mouse poop. And a mouse nest. And more mouse poop. And some nibbled paper. And some more mouse poop. Those fuckers *love* to poop. Luckily, M's other friend is of the non-squeamish variety and did the majority of the cleaning up. M's five year old wanted to help with the garage, but that gave us a great excuse to keep her inside. Gross. I must have washed my hands fifty times today.

So tell me you all did glamorous and exciting things this weekend so I can live vicariously...

Friday, November 21, 2008

My wild Friday night

I really don't keep track of my cycles anymore. I figure there is no point unless I meet Brad Pitt and then I can only assume I will wake up the next day pregnant with triplets and adoptive mother to twelve.
But I always have plenty of warning when my period is on its way. I become a raging bitch about a week beforehand. (As opposed to my usual sunshiney personality, y'know.)
Poor A. I've been royally beyond cranky today.

But you know what I found at the store today? Girl Scout Cookie ice cream. (They had Samoa and Thin Mint.) That helps. Now if those little girls would knock on my door with some actual Samoas, we would be in business.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Choose my own adventure? Nah. You do it.

I'm probably being ridiculous and there is a really obvious answer here.
Humor me anyways.

A is just not finding a job. I think it's a combination of a few things - I think there aren't a lot of jobs out there, his law degree isn't terribly useful since he didn't pass the bar and his experience is as an educator, all the ed jobs he's applied for aren't beginning until next fall and he might still get one but it's a long ways off. Also, I think he's depressed and not really doing much in the way of networking.
Many, if not most, of the jobs he's applying for are not here. And while I don't particularly want to leave if we have to, we have to. (Sorry Lollipop, no DC, but we are looking at BFE Illinois, BFE Ohio, St. Louis, North Carolina (Kate!), and BFE Colorado.)

So there is a decent chance that we will move.

That being so...
I don't want to leave my job. I love my job. I adore my boss, I can bring Charlie to work, I think a lot of the stuff I do is really interesting and important and good. There is beer in the fridge, I can talk back all I want, and if this mythical baby ever comes into being my boss wants me to just bring the kid with and keep working.

There is a job posting in Ch*cago. I think I fit what they want pretty perfectly. They pay really well.
And Illinois mandates IF coverage.

If there is a good chance that we will have to move anyways, and I will leave my happy little job, perhaps I should apply for this job. Chicago is a big town and A would have plenty of time and a financial cushion while he takes the bar again and finds a job.

Of course, this job might suck, I might hate it, Al might find a job here where I want to stay, I wouldn't be able to bring Charlie or the mythical kid, we own a house here that lord knows we might not be able to sell and housing in Chicago isn't cheap. My parents are here, my friends are here (though we have a few in Chicago too).

Do I apply? I know that I might not even get it, that even if it is offered I wouldn't have to take it.... but I'm still hesitating.

Tell me what to do oh great internets.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Away Message

I just got home from work and I still need to do paperwork and I need to be back at 7:30 tomorrow morning, but I feel like I need to leave some sort of away message. I've been too busy to comment the past few days.
I wish blogging had something like facebook where I could leave my status. I don't mean to ignore you guys, I know there are important things happening in your lives and I promise to comment tomorrow night!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Do you see it?

So this is what the artboard on the building currently looks like:


And then there is the next proposal...

I don't want to post the whole thing, but below is the middle third of the picture my boss was certain was a lady's nah nah-nana. The original has an identical girl on either side and their hair meets in the middle. This is the middle.



Now imagine it twenty feet high, looming ahead of you as you drive into downtown every morning...

Monday, November 17, 2008

Change!

I'm so bloggy today.

So I can't post the vagina picture in it's entirety, but I will try and post the uh, controversial section of the picture tomorrow. I don't want to post the whole thing since it's somebody's artwork and presumably not in a public place yet, but I know you're all dying to see if my boss was correct.

In the meantime, I will show you a non-dirty picture.
A few weeks ago the adorable & sexy Annacyclopedia posted a picture of her new haircut (she looks beeeoooootiful) and I was like "Hey! That looks like my haircut!" I then made the absurd claim that I would post a picture of my hair. See, her hair *did* look like my hair - right after I got it cut and the stylist made it look all pretty. But my hair, although it is straight, is nutso and does not want to go in any normal direction. And I couldn't get it to look like Anna's again.
So no picure of it like that. Because then I got frustrated and, in a fit of boredem, cut some uneven bangs with nail scissors.

Sexytime, ya?

Er, maybe not.

Then today I decided to finish it off, so I went and got my hair cut.

Now is sexytime?
Ya?
Ok, it looks like angryandconfusedtime (maybe I should look at shit before I post it) but I do like it.
Why do I love my boss?
Because we got a proposal from the arts council people about a proposed piece to go on the side of the next door building. (They have a big billboard area that has a piece of art that gets switched out yearly.)
My boss looked at the proposed artwork and asked me what I saw. I told him I saw two mirror image women and he's like "That's it? You don't see the vagina? Because I see a goddamn vagina. Trust me, I know a vagina when I see one. And if those guys [next door] can't tell that's a vagina they're either gay or they don't spend the right kind of time with their wives."

Yeah, after he mentioned it, I could totally see the vagina.

The arts people are sending another picture proposal.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Freeeeeedom!

I don't know if I've ever mentioned my irrational phone phobia. I can talk on the phone to people I know, that's fine. But I have sometimes have mini panic attacks when it comes to calling somebody I don't. I psych myself out, thinking they'll not hear me right and think I am saying obscene things or I'll mishear them and respond by saying obscene things. Or maybe I'll just be nervous and "Fuck you shitwad" will come flying out of my mouth. Also, they cant see me, so what if they can't tell I'm using sarcasm? Is the meaning lost if you can't see me making a jack off motion in the air?
(I sometimes worry about this when I leave messages on people's blogs too. In my head I can hear myself saying one thing, but I think maybe without the inflection and scrunched faces people sometimes think I am just a weirdo.)
Anyways, I've always had this phobia. It's gotten better, but as a teenager when my mom told me to call the driving school to register for the class, I couldn't do it. I just knew that if I tried calling I would screw something up. So I didn't sign up to learn how to drive. It wasn't until the next summer, when I figured out I could pay my little brother five bucks to make him do it, that I signed up for driving school.
I can't believe it took me that long.
Once I went through driving school and got my license, it was like a whole new world. Indianapolis is sadly lacking in any real public transportation system, so being able to drive is really the only way to break free from your parents. I didn't have my own car, but I could borrow my mom's. (And my boyfriend had a car. What an amazing little Honda that was...) I loved being able to hop in the car and go wherever I wanted. Finally I was the master of my little seven mile universe.
As much as I love A, I feel like finally getting my car back on Thursday was like getting my license all over again. Two weeks of having to have him drive me to work every day was getting to me. And because his car is a stick and I am pathetic, (I never learned how to drive stick shift and the next person who tells me how much more *fuuuun* it is to drive a stick gets said stick shoved up their left nostril) I had to ask friends to pick me up if we did anything. It was like junior year when everyone else had their license and I had to beg them to let me bum a ride with them to the Perkins to drink coffee and play cards. Pathetic.

But now I have my trusty girl back. And let me tell you - getting new steering, tires and brakes makes a difference. She sticks to the road as we hug curves. She flies over train tracks without pulling. She actually stops when little kids and pregnant women run out in front of her.
Well. Little kids anyways. I make no promises about pregnant women.

Today A had a friend over to watch the football, and I ran out to the Ghetto Kroger to get them a frozen pizza. All.by.myself.

Yesterday? I decided I wanted to go to the Value City that was going out of business and had everything 80% off. So I went. All.by.myself.

Friday? I drove to work. All.by.myself.

Thursday evening? I drove up to a friends house to walk dogs for an hour in her dark crunchy-leaf neighborhood. Kind of all.by.myself, except for Charlie. Who also loves the freedom of the car.


**********
There were a couple of nice moments that come from not having my car. A drove me to work every day (and picked me up, which sucked for him, because it always takes me 30 minutes longer to leave than I think it will) and so it was nice to have that routine. Also, I babysat for a friend on Wednesday. I was supposed to have my car back, but the mechanic set off my airbags and had to have them reset, so I didn't get it back until Thursday. So A had to drive me way the fuck up into suburbia and since he would have had to turn right back around to get me, he stayed and watched the girls.

My friend M has the smartest cutest darn kids. Her daughter Am who just turned five a month ago is reading like a champ, flying through books without hesitation. She asks these amazing questions and has perfected her disparaging look when you try to talk around one of the answers.
M's one year old Av, the one she wanted to have at the same time as me, is totally edible. I could just gnaw on her cheeks all day. We brought Charlie and she was delighted to have a stuffed animal that would kiss her and steal her bear.
A and I had a great time with the kids. He's going to be such a good father someday.

But god I'm glad I don't need him to drive me around anymore.

Edit:
By the way, this heat thing? Awesome. I love it. And now I can screech at people to close the door because I am *not* trying to heat the entire world, do I *look* like I am made of money. Of course, by people, I mean Charlie when I am bringing him back in from going outside and he pauses before running into the house. I gotta practice though.
And the animals don't think it's all that warm. Thomas is sleeping under the covers like he always does
and both he and Charlie tried to sleep in my lap today.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Nirvana

Oh people. It is truly an amazing feeling, this "warmth" of which I had heard tell.
Last night I sat on my couch with a hat, scarf, blanket, long underwear, sweater, polarfleece over my sweater, and three animals who were all pissed off at me.

This morning I woke up with a cold, snot filled nose and said "No more!" I turned the furnace on. That's right. I was done being cold. Done.
A started to protest, then fell over frozen solid, so I flipped the switch. Within three minutes there was this strange sensation...

I could feel my toes.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Last week randomness

Is it really Sunday night already?
Last week was such an amazing week. All week I was sleep deprived and after Tuesday night, giddy. I can't count the number of times I cried, just feeling overwhelmed with pride and hope and joy all intermingled.
Indiana had the biggest change in Rs to Ds of any state. My friend M told me that when she was driving to school Wednesday and heard that Indiana had gone blue she started sobbing. It's been kind of like that.

On Wednesday I got to see the amazing Shinejil who was in town for a conference. I think we were both a bit loopy from the night before, but we had a nice time talking. She is seriously one of the coolest people I have ever met. If I could grow up to be her, I would, but I think it's too late for that, so I will just claim her as a friend and hope some cool rubs off.

Last night we went to a friends house for a re-warming party. K&B had their house broken into a few weeks ago, so they wanted to bring some good karma back in. A stayed home because he is depressed about the bar and his job situation and there were some people from his old department there who are kind of assholish. I said A was sick and avoided those people. I really hope something works out for A soon. A couple of my friends met up with him for lunch a couple of weeks ago and have separately told me they're worried about him.

This morning I took my car over to a friends house and he fixed my brakes for the $60 it cost me in parts. Unfortunately, while he said the mechanics were jerking me around on the brakes hardcore, the steering really is fucked. And he doesn't have the equipment to do that. So I still need to come up with $800 (EDIT: Fuck. Make that $1100) for that. But it's a lot better than $1700. A lot better.


Let's see. What else?

The crappy -
A got a call from a friend and when he asked her about her son she told him she was pregnant again. It just doesn't bother him like it does me and that bothers me. She's the person who always comments on facebook pictures of me with kids by saying "Watch out, babies are contagious" and shit like that. She's really A's friend and I wish he would tell her that we can't have kids so she would stfu.

The fun -

I finally took the mirrors and picture frames I got for a buck and spray painted them glossy orange. (They were gold.) This is after the first coat. I'm making my guest room the most colorful room possible. Now I just need to figure out what I want to put in the little picture frames. Any ideas?

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

There are so many reasons I am excited about President Obama. These reasons have nothing to do with the color of his skin.
But it makes me cry with joy at someday having biracial children who will be able to see a President who looks like them.
That hits me square in the heart.

Beeeeer, where are you?

Oh for fucks sake Indiana! It's bad enough that on Sundays you can't buy beer at the store, but on election day I can't have beer until the polls close?! I had forgotten this stupid arcane rule and was so ready for a drink at 4:30 and there you go crushing my hopes and dreams with your laws.

Ok, seven more minutes and I am in the bar.

Nov. 4

Whew, waking up at 4am is starting to catch up with me. I am not working the polls today, but A is and I needed him to drop me off at work on his way. Charlie and I walked over the *bucks as soon as it opened to get some coffee. Then my boss took me out for coffee again. And lack of sleep plus lots of caffeine is making me all gooey in the brain area.

In case you somehow missed it, today is Election Day. So go vote.

But it's also Kelly's anniversary. She's still mad in love with that man of hers, so go tell her congratulations.

On a sad note, today was Karis and Addison's due date. Today is understandably an unspeakably hard day for Mandy. Go hold her hand.