Friday, February 20, 2009

I'm a stinky blog friend but I will buy you a bottle of wine to make up for it if I see you in real life

I KNOW! What the hell, right? I just go and disappear of the edge of the earth without so much as a...um, whatever people do before they disappear. Peep?

For the past month or so I've started probably five or six posts, but I never finish them because I get lost in all the muckity muck. It seems like I should write a lot since I've been gone for so long, but then I realize it's all stuff I've written before.

One year ago A_ was about to take the bar He's about to do it again. Hopefully to better results this time.

One year ago I was performing in the Vagina monologues? Well, I'm not performing this year, but I'm putting together a film piece for it again.

One year ago A_ was having surgery to retrieve sperm and I was bitching that we couldn't afford IVF yet. He's not having surgery again, but we just got a bill for $400 so his sperm can sit in a freezer for another year. And I'm still bitching that we can't afford IVF because all those savings are making up the gap between my income and our bills.

This probably comes across as more whiny or angry or whatever other strong emotion you can think of that fits, but I don't really feel upset. I just feel resigned. It's like living in this big Groundhogs Day, only it's an entire year.

I'm stuck again for what I want to say, but I don't want to start and abandon another post or I'll never get back to blogging. So yeah. I know I have a lot I want to sort out and I am a no good wumplebuttheadsnufugus for ignoring my amazing friends for so long, so really, seriously, I am back this time.

23 comments:

  1. Nice to hear from you again.

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  2. ::sniff sniff::

    Not stinky at all... it's great to have you back!!

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  3. Been thinking of you. Good to have you back.

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  4. DUDE! DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!

    I have missed you SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much. Like, everytime I look at the jar of borscht I got for Christmas that is from the Ukranian Borscht Company in Moose Jaw, I think of you. And that's often, since for some reason I refuse to put it in the cupboard where it belongs and instead it's on the counter right beside the trivets and the kitchen utensils.

    Also a year ago, we were just starting to be friends. And I still love you like crazy, even if you were a no good wumplebuttheadsnufugus, which you're not.

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  5. THERE you are! OMG, I've been totally stalking you and wondering where Io and Charliekins were. So glad to have you back. And I personally will visit you IRL just so I can get that bottle of wine! Oh, and meet you. :-)

    Welcome back. xo

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  6. IO!!!!!!!! Dude- I have missed you. Don't worry about being gone so long- just glad to see you back!

    Now- if you disappear again I will actually stalk you like I thought of doing quite a few times to see where the heck you were!

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  7. I understand. My husband's illness dominated our lives for over 2 years and every day just felt like the last... all the while the bills from said illness ate all our money and we couldn't catch a ride on the IVF train to save our lives... Feeling like the only thing that's changing is your age makes you feel lonely and helpless.. which for me also became, alternatively, rage and apathy.

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  8. It's good to see you posting again. : )

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  9. So glad to hear that you are back. Missed you so much. Many good wishes to A on the bar.

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  10. I MISSED YOU!!!!

    Oh yeah, and I tagged you for something that's scheduled to post tonight. :-)

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  11. It's Io. I beamed when I saw you on my blogroll. You will never in my mind be a wumplebuttheadsnufugus. I cannot tell you how many times I have thought about you, wondered how you were feeling and hoped you would someday return to us. I missed you dearly. It is so good to hear your sarcastic voice again.

    I'm with you on standing still for a year. Even though I was fortunate in trying, I am still standing in the same spot here with you just bitching about different things.

    You made my crappy afternoon so much better just by posting. Thank you.

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  12. YAHOOOOOOOO -Your back.

    You have been missed.

    You are loved - welcome back friend :-D

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  13. Yay!!! I was just thinking about you yesterday. So glad you are back.

    Good luck to A.

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  14. Welcome back. Hoping that the bar goes well this year and that things start turning around for you soon!

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  15. Welcome back. Hoping that the bar goes well this year and that things start turning around for you soon!

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  16. I am SO GLAD to see you! I was totally worried about you. I mean, how would we know if something happened to you?

    Dude - sucks where you are at. I'm sorry about that.

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  17. I'm so glad you're back--not glad about where things are right now, but glad you're writing.

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  18. you may have already pursued all of this... but have you looked into grants? http://www.fertiledreams.org/ and others? i don't think there has EVER been a more clear case of sweet, straight (i say cause the scene can be rough for us gal lovin' gals), married couple who have medical reasons that it ain't gonna happen unless you do IVF. i bet you would be a good candidate for these grants. just sayin'

    nice to see you back, i have been kind of sitting it out myself...

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  19. I'm in groundhog day as well.. and am just as resigned. Sometimes I have a little hissy fit though.

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