Thursday, March 19, 2009

Ghetto Life

Oh for fucks sake. If you don't hear from me in a few days, would somebody who knows me in real life please check to make sure I'm not dead? And if I am, let the police know that it was the skinhead who lives on the corner three houses up. Dirty white house, chain link fence with a dog that seems sad and lonely, and a project car they seem to be fixing with black spray paint, duct tape, and stupidity.

Generally, I don't mind where we live. It's really close to downtown, it's cheap, I like my house...
but it's a little bit ghetto. (A is reading over my shoulder here and he says it's a lot a bit of ghetto.) There is a mix of old people who have lived here for years, young couples, gay couples, weird hayseed types, and random ghetto trash of all races. It's pretty diverse.
And in general I have felt fairly safe here. We do have some really great neighbors. If you're not directly involved with say, dealing drugs, drug dealers aren't really going to pay you any mind. Hey, we even had a fairly cordial relationship with our resident crack dealer until he moved away. (Granted, this was after a huge group of neighbors along with a police escort and news cameras went and told him to clean his act up. Another story for another time.)

But this afternoon I took Charlie out to go to the bathroom after we got home from work and this huge pit bull, with the biggest chain collar I have ever seen, ran down the street. Charlie barked at her, not realizing he weighs six pounds, so she turned and started running at us. I scooped him up and yelled at the dog sternly. It stopped and just looked at us. I walked back into the house trying to be all hardcore and not let the dog know I had almost pissed myself. (After I thought about it I realized I knew this dog because she used to get out fairly often and was actually kind of sweet. But she could totally eat Charlie.) I told A and he stuck his head out the door to yell at the dog who was getting ready to take a huge dump in the middle of our yard.
As he's doing this, the dog's owner came down the sidewalk and yelled at A for yelling at his dog and STUPIDLY my husband talked back, telling the guy that we have leash laws and to get his dog before it shit in our yard. So they yelled some stuff back and forth about beating each others asses and I believe the guy promised to come back tonight.

I'm pissed at A for not backing off and placating the guy, though I know he feels bad and being pissed won't do any good. But now I am sitting in bed with my laptop instead of sitting in the living room, because how am I to know if this idiot won't do some sort of drive by?

I grew up in suburbia, people! I want my mommy.

And normally I am all "yay urban redevelopment! clean up the old houses! teeheee heeee I can live with crack whores!" But tonight I am a little more in the "Fuck, I should have let A talk me into buying a vinyl house with a 45 minute commute" feeling. I don't think I am going to sleep very well.
So yeah. Here's hoping that my house doesn't get broken, bulleted, or burnt. Same with my car.

Because I would hate to have to cut a bitch. But I will.


  1. I'm thinking non-driveby thoughts for you!

    Why is it that men seem to run their mouths at bad times and won't run their mouths when you want them to? Men. Sigh.

    On a completely unrelated note, I LOVE pit-bulls. They are typically the sweetest dogs (unless trained otherwise)! If we ever get another dog I want a red nosed pit. :-)

  2. I hope the rest of the night is uneventful because I'd also hate for you to have to cut a bitch!
    I got your back tho.

  3. Yikes! If you make it on an episode of COPS, let me know so I can watch it! ;)

    All joking aside, cuddle up in bed, lock the doors & windows and check in tomorrow! Cause I WILL cut a bitch too, if needed.


  4. Oh boys!

    If you need to cut a bitch (wtf, iPhone is trying to auto correct b*tch- there I censored it- happy you stupid piece of tech). Sorry. I can come and cut it with you.

    Check in tomorrow. Hugs!

  5. I'm wishing you a peaceful night's sleep!

  6. Sending you some White Trash Repellent. It also works to help kill weeds.

  7. Yikes that is scary - the dog and the asshole neighbor. I really hope the testosterone fueld stupidity wears off and he doesn't hurt you. If he does - I'll hurt him back.

  8. It's morning now- so I really hope having to cut a bitch was not in your evening's plans...

    There was one time the hub ran out into the street dressed in only boxer shorts & shiotkicker boots witha baseball bat to 'deal' with what he thought were 17-21 year olds causing a ruckus in the middle of our street at 2 am. (we have a ton of bars around us & occassionally it is obnoxious when they let out). of course it turned out that they were the kids who lived across the street with their single mom in the urban development project house. Thankfully it was resolved by merely threatening to wake up their mom, but I was convinced they were going to retaliate. They moved on to some new house in some other hood though.
    I think a lot of guys are all talk & would rather not do anything. But be careful with your bad selves anyway!
    I sure hope you update today &through the weekend...

  9. Yeah, Super Beeyotch Io! Hoping that you are still alive this morning. :)

  10. We live in Mt. Airy. We're a tiny bit father from downtown but not by much. If we roll down Colerain and hop on 74 we're a cool 5 minute drive. If we take the side streets through Clifton and the West End we're 10 minutes. When the weather is good there's seriously at least one shooting a week within a one mile radius of our house. I'm the same as you - I wanted to stake a claim and not just abandon the city for the burbs. But there are days when I wonder if I'll someday regret this decision.

  11. "I would hate to have to cut a b*tch but I will"!!! I almost spit out my coffee. Hope you're okay over there. Remember, if you hear loud pops, STAY LOW! :)

  12. Are you f*ing serious? That is f*ed up. If that guy comes anywhere on your property call the cops right away.

    The problem with cleaning up neighborhoods like that is that the ghetto people have no where else to go. Clean up the ghetto - where are they going to live? Noblesvile?

  13. I'm glad I found your blog, you're fucking hilarious!

  14. Good to know you're alive as per your next post.

    Fuck you have a way with words though "black spray paint, duct tape & stupidity". Describes the people up the street from me.

    I seriously hope you stay safe.

  15. Dude. That sucks. But it will be okay. After all, how does that guy know whether A is gansta himself? For all that guy knows, A could have a basement full of 9mm's and a giant posse. If he stood there talking smack and promised to "come back later," instead of pulling his heater out of his waistband and popping a few off at A on the spot, you are probably good. But I would totally put A on restriction. No need to invite trouble, after all!

  16. Cracking up....

    But seriously, be CAREFUL!

    I think that people like that are generally all bark and no bite, but it's prolly best to hang out in your bedroom for tonight just in case.

    Don't you just hate it when guys have to be all macho? I would rather have my husband ALIVE then RIGHT...ya know what I mean?

  17. Ack! Scary. I'm glad to have read in your later post that you are fine, but still...

    We have a friend that has a pit bull that is scared of its own shadow, but I swear if one charged me, I'd piss myself, too. You just never know.

  18. Thought this was real. I submitted it to

    Hopefully they'll post it for all to read.