You guys are all the best - thank you for your suggestions about what to do for my anniversary. I figure I have four and a half hours until A gets home for me to figure it out and start working on it.
(Yeah, I may have a small problem with procrastinating. But other than booking the site and buying a dress off the rack, I didn't do anything with my wedding until the week of. So putting this off is kind of like a tribute to our wedding, right? Right?)
We have decided to go down tomorrow to our favorite small town (where Shinejil lives! You should all go visit her) and have bagels where we used to go on Sundays to sit and read the paper. Then A is going to make me meatloaf and mashed potatoes (my favorite) and we'll drink the wine my best friend D gave us as a wedding gift. As for the rest, well, go read Kym's pasties suggestion two posts ago...
So, speaking of the fact that I am a LAZY. BAD. PERSON.
I really am. And I am feeling awful about it. Remember a couple weeks ago when Mel had to take a time out from Lost and Found to ask about the Clicker system? I was thinking - gee, I've been a bad blogger in general lately, but I read my section's blogs most of the time and try to get important info turned in. And I was kind of offended by the original questioner saying that the Clickers had cliques and didn't turn in stuff that wasn't from their friends. Because it's *really* not like that at all. I turn in everyone's information. And I am *always* willing to make new friends. But I knew I needed to be better and update my list too.
And then today...
Oh Jesus. Now I am thinking it was probably somebody from my lists, because I have been the WORST CLICKER EVER. I realized I needed to go through and add blogs that have been added recently to my google reader, but Holy crappola. People, there were like 5570923 blogs that I have not been reading that I am supposed to be watching over. I am a dipshit. And don't try and tell me I'm not, because this is not about me - it's about all that incredible work Mel and others do to try and make sure everyone feels supported. I know there will be times when life gets busy and I miss something, but I am beyond horrified to realize that maybe somebody didn't feel supported because I was too lazy to check for new blogs to add to my google reader.
So. If I click for your category (Azoospermia, CBAVD, Clotting/Immunology, Endometriosis, Surrogacy, Varicocele) and there has been a time when you desperately wanted somebody to reach out and cry with you or celebrate with you or help you and it did not happen...
I am so, so very sorry. From the bottom of my heart.
Feel free to call me names and curse me. (Although, please do realize that I've already got infertility, a severely underemployed husband, and a yeast infection, so cursing me might not get you much more...)
I will do better. I promise.
And in more Tales from Infertile Bitches...
I've been feeling very melancholy since last night. I went to my writing group (or as my friend M's five year old daughter exclaimed last night "It's not writing group! It's eating group!" The emperor has no clothes, people.) and while we were waiting for the third member B to arrive, I was playing with M's twenty month old, Lu. She was standing in front of me grabbing for a toy on the coffee table, and when she couldn't reach it she turned to me, grabbed my hand, and said "Mama! Mama!" in that way that means "Mom! Aren't you going to help me get this?"
Except of course that I'm not her mom.
And that moment of silence before M tried to quickly explain that Lu's been calling all women mama lately and then change the subject...
FUCK. It HURT. It hurt SO FUCKING MUCH.
Normally it doesn't really bother me being around M's kids. I'm like an aunt to them and they are awesome, just like their mom. It does stink that M suggested we try to get pregnant together (when I'd already been trying for eight months) and she now has an twenty month old and I have nothing, but FUCK. This was like somebody punching me out of nowhere. I couldn't breathe.
I hope Lu grows out of this calling all women "mama" stage quickly. Like before I see her again. My heart can't take that.