I have magical powers.
WAIT! Where are you going? Don't move your fingers to the mouse and click away from here. Let me explain!
We had a drunk bloody man try to maybe break into our house last night.
See? What did I tell you?! MAGIC.
A and I were just dozing quietly in bed and from nowhere (well, ok, we think he came from the back of our house because him walking down the side of our house is what alerted A) we have a guy trying to look in the windows on our front porch. A called the police who very kindly rushed over, pepper sprayed an angry possum and our grill, and arrested the bloody drunk man. The bloody drunk man claimed he was there because he was told to come to our house for food.
Now, unless he was told that by the angry possum who may or may not be eating some of the cat food we leave out for a stray, it is not true that we indiscriminately hand out food. I mean, if you were hungry and came and knocked on my door and told me "Dude! I read your blog!" I would probably be flattered and hand you half a cantaloupe. But this guy did not appear to be a blog reader and he missed the important step of knocking on the door before attempting entrance.
What, you still don't get the magic part?
See, I figure that I just blogged about how boring my life is and this guy shows up. So whatever I write on my blog, the opposite will happen.
BOY. I SURE AM NOT WEALTHY AND PREGNANT.
(Hopefully this works. If not, well, feel free to come over for cantaloupe.)