Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Ok, here's the plan

I have magical powers.

WAIT! Where are you going? Don't move your fingers to the mouse and click away from here. Let me explain!

We had a drunk bloody man try to maybe break into our house last night.

See? What did I tell you?! MAGIC.

A and I were just dozing quietly in bed and from nowhere (well, ok, we think he came from the back of our house because him walking down the side of our house is what alerted A) we have a guy trying to look in the windows on our front porch. A called the police who very kindly rushed over, pepper sprayed an angry possum and our grill, and arrested the bloody drunk man. The bloody drunk man claimed he was there because he was told to come to our house for food.

Now, unless he was told that by the angry possum who may or may not be eating some of the cat food we leave out for a stray, it is not true that we indiscriminately hand out food. I mean, if you were hungry and came and knocked on my door and told me "Dude! I read your blog!" I would probably be flattered and hand you half a cantaloupe. But this guy did not appear to be a blog reader and he missed the important step of knocking on the door before attempting entrance.

What, you still don't get the magic part?
See, I figure that I just blogged about how boring my life is and this guy shows up. So whatever I write on my blog, the opposite will happen.

BOY. I SURE AM NOT WEALTHY AND PREGNANT.

(Hopefully this works. If not, well, feel free to come over for cantaloupe.)

42 comments:

  1. Yah...here let me help...I hope you NEVER HAVE 6 CHILDREN AND I HOPE YOU NEVER WIN THE MILLION DOLLAR LOTTERY!

    Yah never know....God bless...He does work in mysterious ways!

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  2. Well, okay, but only if it's good cantaloupe. (Am picky since a recent incident with cantaloupe that actually tasted like soap.)

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  3. Glad the magic alerted you to the blood man while he was outside of your house and not inside. Oh the poor possum.

    Are you sure he wasn't a blogger - did you ask him? heee heee.

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  4. that's what i've been doing wrong!!!! i'll try the reverse psychology approach to my IF as well!!

    btw, why did the cop have to pepper spray the possum?

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  5. Only half a canteloupe? Is it pre-scooped? I don't want to do that much work. :)

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  6. Ha! I always knew you had magic powers.

    And I also want to know why the poor possum got pepper sprayed.

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  7. I am thinking the possum was pepper sprayed because the cops sneaked around from the back of our house and probably saw him moving around and thought he was a person in the dark. That's just my guess. The cops warned us before they left that there was an angry pepper sprayed possum and grill in the back and that we should be careful. It made perfect sense at the time.

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  8. I bet that possum has been telling everyone in the neighborhood about the free food at Io's house. He got exactly what he deserved.

    I hope you get some of the good excitement soon, instead of the crappy excitement.

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  9. Yeah, makes perfect sense - bloody robbers and pepper sprayed opossum. This sounds like something that would happen to me only we live in the middle of nowhere so the bloody guy would have probably made it in the house before the cops actually got there and then he probably would have let the opossum in.

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  10. OK well, when do I come around?

    I love your blog....love the fonts...love the way you phrase the phrased phrases!

    Where's the food, dammit!

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  11. Just to be clear, if I show up at your house in a few weeks, I'll get canteloupe. Not pepper spray. Right?

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  12. Hahaha - I thought it was going to be all scary and about that bad man A got into a shouting match with.

    Phew! Poor possum though - he probably reads your blog. Or used to. When he could see. ;)

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  13. What in the hell??? I would be freakin' freaking out! I'm glad the cops caught him.

    Thanks for the offer of cantelope. Me likes the melon, so I may be by.

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  14. but dayum! how scary!!

    & yet only you would be able to make this a laugh out loud post.
    xo

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  15. haha! You are too funny. I'd drop by for some catelope!


    (I cannot read. I have tried three times to publish this comment. damn word verification!)

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  16. Brilliant... it's the George Costanza theory of blogging! I love it.

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  17. LOL! That was a fabulous story. Thank you for the laugh; And might I add how proud I am of you for not freaking out. I would have been scared to death. And, oh that poor possum! I had to read that line twice to get it. If you are doing the opposite world, can you ask for your friend Melissa to not be pregnant either? :0) Thanks!!

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  18. Pepper spraying a possum makes perfect sense to me. Those things are creepy.

    What a night!

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  19. Too funny!

    Hey, do you think the two incidents are connected? Maybe the scary neighbor recruited them both? When I come by for my cantaloupe we'll have to figure this out.

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  20. I literally needed to read this post three times because I kept feeling like I had entered a twilight zone. A twilight zone with men and possums. Too bizarre.

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  21. Yikes. Maybe next time the universe can send some less scary ways to make your life more exciting. keep working on that magic!

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  22. Scary! I'm so glad he didn't make it in before you noticed him.

    When I was around 12, a naked man ran onto our back porch and stole one of my mom's bras that was hanging to dry... so that he could cover his face... not his genitals, his FACE! People do the strangest thing.

    P.S. Will your magic work on others? I not wealthy or pregnant, either.

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  23. Well, you didn't really expect to find your magical powers in a boring way, did you?

    I understand why the possum got pepper sprayed, but what did the grill do? Aren't you using enough seasoning when you cook?

    By the way, I don't like cantaloupe. What else do you have? Could you write that I'm not rich or pregnant either? Thanks!

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  24. Too darn funny!

    In a George Costanza kind of way.

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  25. What a weirdo!! Oh how nice of you to offer some cantelope! :) lol

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  26. Cracking up over here.

    SO glad you guys are safe, that would have scared the CRAP out of me!

    GL with the magic, I'll be keeping my fingers crossed as well.

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  27. Glad that you all heard drunk man before he was actually inside. It was probably the voices in his head that told him to come to you for food.
    Hope the reverse thinking does the trick!!

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  28. Are you sure you didn't wander over to a crackden in your sleep and invite the whole den and the accompanying winos to come over for s'mores? Hmmmm. Did you at least share the kibble? (Seriously, I'm glad you guys are ok. I find bloody drunk people frightening...unless it's me of course and then I'm sure I'm a blast.)

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  29. Wow. Wow! How scary. Glad you guys are ok, and I hope you never have any kids either. There. Hope that helps!

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  30. Haha this post cracked me up. Good luck tempting the reverse fate Gods!

    (poor possum!)

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  31. Oh. Em. Gee.

    Please stop making me laugh so effing hard. Don't you know that Frank is sleeping over there? I might wake him if I fail at stifling these giggles.

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  32. You do make me laugh!

    But what are possums doing in the ghetto?

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  33. "But this guy did not appear to be a blog reader"

    lol. I laughed, literally, out loud.

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  34. I love it! Ghetto possums telling everyone how to score food from io. ha!

    Seriously though- you should learn to harness this new found powre- be much more specific. Ratehr than- my life is boring- maybe my life is boring because I haven't won the powerball jointly with my good bloggy buddy jenn that I mailed the ticket to.

    Just saying...

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  35. can i just say that this could only happen to you. (ok maybe not)

    and only you could make it funny. (for sure)

    and i wish you were on my list of places for my upcoming trip, so i could knock on your door and get food. (not likely)

    you are too brave and too funny! I would have sh*t my pants...i'm a punk like that.

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  36. That is hysterical. And I love cantelope!

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  37. I hate cantelope, but angry possum sounds delicious.

    Thanks for the lotion warmer tip. Although, I have no idea where one would find such a thing, or what it would look like. Please tell me, all knowing one.

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  38. HI! I just discovered your blog. My husband also has CBAVD. You don't mention why your husband has CBAVD. Did he get tested for Cystic Fibrosis? He should have, but I just want to make sure. Most men with CBAVD have cystic fibrosis, and you should be tested as well, as well as your husband's family.
    I just want to tell you that we know have a child thanks to IVF. You are young, so your chances are really good for you to get pregnant. We did a TESA but had low fertilization rates so for baby #2, we are trying with MESA. I just completed an IVF cycle and the fertilization rate was insane (7 out of 8 fertilized).
    Good luck with everything

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  39. Um, not that there's much left to say forty comments later, but dude, that is fucking crazy. And for another configuration of those words, that fucking dude is crazy.

    Yeah, you say that you're magical like its news or something. I've known for-evah that you've got the magic in you...

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  40. Thank you for visiting my blog today!! This is such a crazy story - I'm glad everything turned out OK!

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