Saturday, March 7, 2009

You probably don't want to read this

Ok, fair warning here: If you don't want to hear about my yeast infection, stop reading now. I'll post something else soon enough and you can comment on that and pretend like you never read the last sentence.
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-OH MY GOD. What is WRONG with you?! Why are you still reading?!

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I assume I am now talking to myself.

I generally try not to take medication unless I'm really sick. I'll take something for cramps, but I usually wait until I have bitched and moaned for the first day before I grab the sweet relief of midol. When I quit smoking the doctor offered Ch.a.nt*x, but I wanted to go without anything so I quit cold turkey (Not that there is anything wrong with medicine, I don't care if you need an entire pharmacy to function, I just don't like taking pills.) And I really hate that people try and get antibiotics for every damn thing, even when it's clearly a virus. We're creating superbugs that will destroy us! Doom and gloom! World is ending! Etc.

But after three weeks of the flu, I became convinced that something bacterial might have settled in on top of it. So when the doctor offered antibiotics, I agreed.

It had been a while and I forgot about another side effect of antibiotics besides the destruction of the world - the destruction of my hooha. Oh the itching and burning. Not cool. Not cool at all.

And while last time I went all natural and used yogurt for a messy and slow but effective cure, this time I was feeling like I needed something a bit more immediate.

Two things:
1. The drugstore recently did a whole overhaul and moved everything around so you can't find it. I had to wander around the aisles confused because the signs haven't all been switched yet and while an aisle may *say* it's got the coochie cream, apparently it's now where they keep the crackers. Not the same. So I finally find the family planning and female this and that aisle only to find that they now keep the monistat locked up with the condoms and pregnancy tests.

I understand that because it's embarrassing to buy these things that people sometimes steal them and that the store is trying to cut back on theft. But it is much more embarrassing when you have to hunt down the old guy with the key so he can open the case for you and ask which one of the many difference yeast infection creams you would like. I mean really. I have little shame and a burning cooter, so I will do it, but the teenager that needs a condom? Might not be willing to suffer that.

2. I ran into my neighbor F in line. He smiled and said hello and then asked me "So what are you buying?"
Dude. I am holding something that is clearly marked with the word vaginal. Do you really want me to answer that?

That is all.

EDIT: Mwaha. At least I didn't make this a show and tell post!

19 comments:

  1. I see "yeast infection" and I just HAVE to read. Yes, there is something seriously wrong with me. They SUCK big time!

    That is SOOO embarassing--having to ask for a key? And running into your neighbor? LOL...that shit better work.

    I also just had to say its REALLY nice to hear from you again...I missed you! :)

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  2. Brilliant that you get the old man to unlock the cabinet. A little known fact that a 'friend' of mine found out - those yeast infections are occasionally infectious. There's nothing like having to explain to your partner exactly why he's so itchy ...

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  3. Clearly marked with the word "vaginal". If I'd been drinking anything when I read that, it would be all over the MacBook right now.

    Actually, if you'd just held it up and given him a fake little cheerful smile, he probably would be cured forever of that nasty habit of asking extremely nosy questions.

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  4. Helloww! What kind of freak are you living next to? The only place you ask someone, "What are you buying?" is the record shop and they don't exist any more! What a moron.

    I was plagued with yeast infections when I was in my early 20's. I did that anti yeast diet and it really helped. Try and eat plain 'live' yogurt, in Europe they even recommend applying it to the area. Avoid sugar, food with yeast in it (bread) and alcohol. Get better soon.

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  5. When I am warned to continue reading at my own risk I can't seem to read fast enough! Hope your Vajayjay feels better soon. Oh and about the flu....untreated infections can lead to sepsis so please take care of yourself and pop a few pills. A friend of mine ended up in the ICU from an untreated case of the flu. It turned septic and he was told to say his goodbyes. He made it but now he doesn't mess around when he's sick.

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  6. I KNOW!!! They moved all of the female stuff at my pharmacy too. wth? And now it's all right next to the register. It's not locked up, thank gawd, but still! Luckily I am at the point where I just have absolutely no dignity left and I don't give a damn. But still, think of the horny teenagers!!! :P

    I always get the yeasties after antibiotics, and I hate them vehemently!

    Hope yours go away soon along with the sickness. I too have been sick forever and am resisting going to the GP.

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  7. Heh. That is why it has been probably 10 years since I've taken an antibiotic. While I love pharmaceuticals in all their wily forms (my name is Kate and I'm a pill popper), I believe, like you, that we are over antibiotic-ed. And, like you, unless it's a serious respiratory situation (like last year when I got the flu), I will avoid the doctor like crazy out of fear that they'll make me take an antibiotic. Because, like you, I have the exact same reaction.

    One time I had a doctor recommended that I get a script for difluc.an at the same time as any antibiotic prescription, but then I went back to get the diflu.can script, and saw my usual doctor who said I didn't need it (I told her my itchy hoohah begged to differ), and that the OTC stuff is better for you than a systemic thing like di.flucan.

    Though now I'm thinking of it, and obviously when I had my gall bladder out, the hospital pumped me full of IV antibiotics, and it didn't do anything to my hoohah, so maybe my body has gotten past that awful side effect. Or maybe it's just a different kind of antibiotic that doesn't do that to us ladies. I don't know.

    Anyhow, like you, I also have no shame whatsoever. After dealing with anal fissures for the last two years, having fingers in my bum, and speaking in detail about the topography of my anus with some 10+ medical professionals, and getting prescriptions for drugs called Anal.pram or Rect-ease, and having to come back to the pharmacy because they included the wrong applicator and I need another... well. I just have no shame left at all.

    If I had run in to my neighbor while I had the vagi-scratch-cure in my hand, and he had asked what I was buying, I would have held it up and said, "It's dip, for a party later. I haven't tried this kind yet. Have you?" I bet that would shut him up...

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  8. I also have to keep reading whenever warned not too. It's an illness. I am pretty anti-pill for myself as well. I think that bodies were made to work some things out on their own. Granted- when deemed medically neccessary I do tend to listen, but I would probably never ask for antibiotics. I would have to be in rough shape to take the time to go to the doctor for a cold or flu period. But that's just me!

    As for your nosy neighbor - dude. why ever ask anyone that question? some things just don't need to be known! Since we live in the quasi-ghetto as well our shit is locked up to. I ended up driving to targets to get pregnancy tests because the walgreens down the street locks them up with more security than fort knox & getting the 16 year old to leave the counter where she's texting her boyfriend all night is just painful & annoying- forget any embarrassment factor!

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  9. ha ha ha!
    I am totally hooked when someone tells me to stop reading. It's like you double dog dared me...

    Hope things in the downstairs get better SOON.

    xo

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  10. I'm totally with you on the pills. I ended up with that crazy intestinal infection last year as a result of antibiotics for an ear infection. That's why I'm so on the fence about the Clo.mid. Which, by the way, you only take for a few days (in my case, it will be CD5-9), but from what I hear, the hormones are a gift that keeps on giving all month. Ugh. I am glad medicine is there, but I hate to have to need it.

    I totally would've gone to a different pharmacy. I like to read the boxes, and the little man's presence would've freaked me out. At least that stuff works really fast.

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  11. You can't scare me, I am a nurse! I think I have seen a lot!

    I would have to agree with the others, when you tell me to stop reading, I am really curious about it!

    I nominated you for an award on my blog! Go and see!
    http://persistentyellow.blogspot.com/

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  12. I wish you had made it a show and tell post :)

    I have a similar story and I'm a little afraid to share it. Perhaps you've buoyed me into trusting that The Internet won't hate me. Maybe I'll even dedicate the post to you. Is that weird?

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  13. i'm at the tail end of a yeast infection myself, so i really couldn't resist reading the rest of your post!

    i can't believe that you had to get someone to unlock a cabinet so you could get the coochie cream. what is up with that?????

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  14. Than you for making me smile today and I am sorry to laugh but I love you dearly and your are rockin the words.

    Here's hoping for a speedy recovery for your downtown region. Urhhh, they suck -totally suck.

    Locking up the coochie cream - WTF is the world coming to... let's blame this and your yeastie girl infection on the economy shall we. It's all related to Bush anyway - why not?

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  15. Apparently I'm a sick freak, because I kept reading...LMFAO @ Show and Tell!!!! Here's hopin the itching goes away soon for ya ;o)

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  16. Seriously? Why would a dude even GO there? With a neighbor?

    Yeah- you're going to have to come up with something more heavy duty that yeast infection to keep me from reading. Not that I'm into them or anything but really, they don't even hit my radar as "offensive or potentially icky subject matter". Glad to hear that the drugstore was willing to condescend to sell you the goods. What the hey?

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  17. Shit, Io. I am so glad that you're back. I choked with laughter on my Fruity Pebbles reading this.

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  18. Yeah. I went into Clifton Walgrees one time to buy an HPT years ago... was not trilled at all about having to ask someone to open the case for me. :p

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  19. Garlic cloves work quickly for me (and you dont even need to ask anyone to unlock a cabinet for it!) You might be wise to tie a piece of string to the end to make sure you don't lose it. Leave it in overnight.

    Hope that wasn't TMI... but I read the post, so I figured you'd be okay with it.

    I ran into a friend's dad at the drug store last week when I was buying a gallon of drinking water and some Azo to help calm down a UTI. I tried to carry it down to my side... but I didn't do a great job. Nothing says "Nice to see you too" like a handful of meds annoucing "It burns when I pee."

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