One of my really good friends just called and told me she has cancer. Non hodgkins lymphoma. She doesn't know anything yet, just that she has it. She goes in to find out what's next tomorrow morning.
We talked for about an hour and the entire time I tried to stay upbeat because she said it was really hard on her when the people she had told so far got emotional and told her she would be okay. So I tried to let her know I was here for her and joked and talked about her boyfriend (who has suddenly decided that he's not sure he can handle being with her and I swear to GOD I might drive to fucking Pennsylvania and rip his puny little balls right off of him). And the whole time I kept thinking - Shit. Am I going to do the cancer equivalent of telling her to just relax? Am I going to make an inappropriate joke and upset her? Why did I just tell her I signed up to the bone marrow registry as though that means a goddamn thing? What the fuck do I say when all I want to do is wail to the Gods that this is NOT OKAY.
Sorry to unload this here, but I had to get it out. I started bawling after we hung up and needed to get out my rage. I'm supposed to go visit in August. We're going to a baseball game. I don't know if there is anything I can do until then. Anyone ever have cancer? Is there something you would have liked to receive in the mail? Stupid things I should refrain from saying? Anything?
Edit: And Michael Jackson is dead? I feel like I am swimming underwater. This day is not real.