Thursday, July 9, 2009

How to stop a conversation

Of course, you already know don't you? Crack a joke about your infertility!
I had my writing group tonight, which was nice as we hadn't met for a while. We generally eat and talk before we write (er, that is *when* we write). Our lovely host has two kids and desperately wants the rest of us to become parents. Somehow she started in on D to get a move on having kids with his wife. He said that they were probably going to stop preventing soon and she said oh it was so much fun, though of course when she and her husband did it they got pregnant the first month both times. So he could only look forward to a few weeks of babymaking sex before they got pregnant.
Naturally I jumped in with "or a few years!" (they all know about our IF).
Strangely, the conversation switched to something else after that. Gee. I hope it wasn't something I said...
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

27 comments:

  1. I hate people, in general. Hate them with a firey passion.

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  2. Yes, I've had that happen. Strange how people don't know what to say isn't it? Um, HELLLLO people...EMPATHY might be a good place to start.

    ((hugs))

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  3. I had that a little while ago when a friend came around to look at my bookshelf to borrow some books to read. She stopped at navigating the land of IF. I informed her it would not interest her as was all about infertility. She dropped the book very hastily and there was a long awkward silence!! lol!

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  4. Yeah I feel i will be doing the very same thing at a family wedding im going to this weekend. In a perverse way Im kinda looking forward to everyone avoiding me...

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  5. Ha! How terrible that a little reality impinged on the baby-making-sex fun. Sad, sad, sad.

    Not to dis your friends, Io, but if they can't take that harmless jest, what can they write about? (says the bitter IFer/scholar of nasty bits of history :) )

    See you tomorrow! I'm so excited!

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  6. This cracked me up! Good on you!

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  7. I love to do that...make people shut up because o their own insensitivity and ignorance. Well done!

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  8. I love people (said sarcastically of course) who think it is easy.

    Maybe you should write a book called, "It is Not Easy Bitch".

    Good for you for killing the conversation, you can come with me anytime to events when there is the baby talk.

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  9. I say good for you! Dumbasses

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  10. GOOD JOB! Those of us with infertility need to get those jabs in whenever we can!! Do people just FORGET that we're in the room when they start talking about "baby" shit and how "easy" it is?? Do they think that people who don't have kids yet must all be holding out or something?? Like REALLY! C'mon people!

    Those people around us that KNOW about our infertility issues and STILL insist on shoving "baby" stuff down our throats or making insensitive remarks need a good kick to their fertile uteri!

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  11. It's always amazing to me that even my one good friend that knows doesn't quite get it. I, for one, think your comment was amusing in that situation. Hey, if people are going to say stupid shit about getting PG the first month, knowing your history, the barb is well-placed.

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  12. I'm so glad I'm not the only one.
    But it angers me a bit. I mean, I'm just being as truthful as they are, and it's not like I say anything in a bitter tone, I'm just telling the truth.
    I had a friend who saw me after I found out I was about to m/c, I had gained a few lb's from being pregnant for 11 weeks.
    Then she came and saw me a couple months later and said "Wow, your looking so skinny since the last time I saw you". I just stated the facts "Yeah.. well-I was pregnant the last time you saw me".
    Can you say Uncomfortable Silence.
    I didnt mean too. It was just the truth. It doesnt bother me talk about my IF or Loss. It actually feels good, so why did the conversation change so fast?

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  13. atta girl!
    I still have friends that just have NO clue what you can go through. They also think that you get all cured. sadly- that doesn't happen.
    sigh
    xoxo

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  14. Love it! That was great. I wish I could have been then.

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  15. The way you are putting it, I think you did in the nail!

    Hate it when people think it is so f###king easy...

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  16. hilarious!
    i've done that so many times too.....people always give you this "look" then change the subject. and if they don't change the subject......then they give tons of unwanted advice.....jerk-wads.

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  17. Um, as soon as I saw your header I added you to my reader. Found you via the Stirrup Queen site, and I can't wait to read more.

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  18. Thats awesome! Good for you!

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  19. Oh, dude. Yes. The best way to stop a conversation is to drop the science on people re. infertility. I try to be all cash about it, but it never fails that people suddenly turn serious and all "oh. er. ahem. gee. golly. I see." etc. whenever anything regarding a less-than-desired family scenario is raised.

    Funny, but when someone talks about any other kind of medical issue, there's the general sympathy/empathy effort. Everyone knows someone who has had whatever medical ill you raise, except (apparently) infertility. Which is funny. Because if one in eight couples are infertile, chances are there's someone in your group who at least knows OF another infertile couple. How can it be so shocking, right?

    Sigh. Educate, woman. That's what we have to do.

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  20. You know, the hits keep coming even after I got pg.

    Last week, all one person could talk about was how many diapers we were going to have and how we wouldn't sleep at night...ona and on. I said, "Well, after over two years of trying to concieve and all the money spent, and all the sleepless nights we've had so far, I think we can take it."

    Silence. People need to be reminded that life isn't so simple for everyone.

    (I'm not still a bitter infertile or anything) :)

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  21. heh. bravo to you putting in the reality to the convo.

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  22. Hey Io

    I wanted to let you know I moved my blog from "angry" to a new location at http://www.icanhazbebe.blogspot.com if you want to keep reading.

    :)

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  23. OMG how have I NOT FOUND YOU BEFORE? Maybe I have. I am so adding you to my google reader right NOW!!! :) I am with you on the "or a few years". We have had so much waiting and testing I never think it is going to end.

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  24. Thanks for a good giggle! I love the name of your blog, I'd like to join the chase of that friggin' bird :)

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