Why oh why does my clinic make me wait until 13dp3dt to have my beta? Seriously, it's another BFN this morning and I have a bottle of tequila waiting for my official grieving period. Also, I would very much like to stop getting PIO injected each night. My ass hurts. But even though it's pretty fucking clear that this IVF shit is a bust I am still following the rules. And it sucks.
The other day all the old biddies (by which I mean middle aged male firefighters) that I work with were gossiping that I must be pregnant because I haven't been drinking coffee and I haven't been joining them for beer after work.And dammit, maybe it's not a healthy response, but I want a beer, maybe even need a beer. Or five.
I am taking the day off tomorrow to take the nieces to the zoo. I think I am going to call and see if I can just go ahead and do my beta then - if I have to pay to get this shit done I would at least like to do it when I'm already off from work.
Time for my only-tangentially-related random story that gets me off of my woe-is-me despair kick.
So, since I am a moron who clearly still had a teeny bit of hope yesterday I stopped to buy more hpts. I have a ton of internet cheapies, but had used all the fancy FRERs. I don't generally go to Walmart, but I was dropping off my bridesmaid's dress to be altered and it was nearby. (A week and a half before the wedding - I thought I might need to wait in case I was all bloated and happy and pregnant. Ha.Ha.) Anywho, I go into the Walmart, fail to find the peesticks for the longest time, then finally find them only to see that somebody had done bought up all the FRERs! I grabbed Answer brand instead since it claimed to be awesome and had three sticks in a package for $9. Boo Walmart I bring it up to the cashier (along with a few other items - I am like a teenager buying condoms, you can't just buy the hpt because then it is glaringly obvious what you came in for. If I buy other things then it's like "Oh I came in here for these Luna Bars and crayons and hmmm...the hpts just somehow fell into my basket so please don't comment on them."
They always do comment on them though. ALWAYS. I don't know if this happens to everybody or if it's an midwest thing or I just look like somebody who wants to hear what you have to say about my pregnancy test or what. Normally, it's something where they are trying to be nice. They'll say "Good luck" and give me a weird smile and I'll smile weirdly back at that and say "thanks" and run the fuck out of the store.
But Walmart apparently has a special breed of cashier who is friendly in a completely different way.
(Um, if you're super pro life you might want to stop reading now.)
The cashier rings everything up without commenting, then asks if that was everything. The biker dude standing behind me jokes about me buying his beer, I laugh at his stupid joke, joke back and then the cashier goes
"OH! I am so sorry, I usually tell people before I ring it up, but you shouldn't buy your pregnancy tests here."
She then proceeds to (loudly) explain that I could go get a *free* test at the crisis pregnancy center down the street because they are soooo nice and will get you and your baby signed up for medicaid and I just have to make an appointment and BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Seriously. Biker dude and I both sort of stood there waiting for her to finish talking. I'm trying to figure out if she realizes the place she is talking about is one of those creepy anti-abortion places that lies to you about shit and whether I should go say something to her manager about the fact that she is promoting this place and dear god is she ever going to stop talking?
She finally finishes, I stare at her for a couple seconds and then I mutter something that makes no sense, like "Oh, these are for IVF so it's okay. Thanks..."
Despite my complete disgust for "crisis pregnancy centers" I will admit that as I walked out I also spent half a second thinking "I wonder if they use FRERs, it might be worth...nah."