I keep typing things and then being unable to really figure out where the story is going...I guess it just rambles.
Saturday felt weird and rushed and like it went on forever.
The embryologist gave us the picture of the two embryos being transferred and slipped into the middle of the conversation that there were no embryos to freeze. It was this weird casual gunshot in the middle of the conversation. I felt like screaming "STOP! I need a moment to grieve."
I didn't, of course. I just bit my lip hard and tried to smile while she talked about how she graded Starbuck and Apollo, what degree of fragmentation they had and that she was going to do some assisted hatching, and wasn't this exciting?
But just like that, after all the follicles I had, we ended up with truly one shot at IVF. There will be no hail mary through FET. And while I know that Starbuck and Apollo could stick around (please please do, kids) I know that they weren't super looking embryos. We don't have a fifty percent chance. We maybe have a 20 or 30 percent chance.
It just doesn't seem fair for her to slip that information in like it wasn't going to hurt.
I haven't cracked open a bottle of wine or stopped taking my vitamins, but I am not feeling terribly hopeful.
(I haven't had a two week wait since A was diagnosed four and a half years ago. I don't know how people do this each month.)
I gave A all the suggestions, but he thought he'd have until Monday to made the CD, so the last minute CD all came from things he had on his computer.
Started off with a little dialogue from Rocky IV:
Now you're gonna have to go through hell, worse than any
nightmare that you ever dreamed. But in the end... I know you'll be the
You know what you gotta do. Do it
Then of course some Rocky theme music. The doctor and nurse liked that. I did some arm pumping and interpretive dancing in the stirrups since nothing was clamped down on my cervix yet.
Of course we only got through a couple more songs. (Queen's You're my Best Friend; The Killers' All These Things That I've Done - The first is "our song", the second is the song I listen to when I need to feel motivated)
They also made me go to the bathroom and pee just a little because my bladder was too full. Making somebody pee *just a small amount* when their bladder is that full is cruel. I was holding it okay until then. After that it became torture. Their bedrest policy is 20 minutes there, take it easy afterwards with no heavy lifting.
I zoned on the couch for a few hours, tidied up the guest room a bit, A left to get the nieces, and I met up with the bachelorette party at dinner. (Contrary to my expectations, the bride was very nice about my flaking on being the driver.) The waitress was terrible and the food was okay (entrees are generally $30 or so, which is definitely on the high side for Indy) but we had a pretty nice time sitting outside. I am sort of a peripheral member of the friend group, so a couple of them (there were only six of us) I don't see that often. I hadn't met J's new wife, who is super cool (and who later kindly gave me my progesterone shot at the bar) but I definitely approve. More interestingly, they had just had their first adoption meeting that morning. So, hopefully I get a kid, they get a kid, the bride gets a kid (they are going to start soon), and the other two girls...well, they are done with kids but one is getting a new kitchen! So, pretty exciting all around.
I stayed for a bit at karaoke drinking Sprite, getting a shot in the butt, and watching J's new wife totally and unfairly kick ass at karaoke (professional singer - not fair) then skipped out in time to see the nieces off to bed.
Took the nieces to the park and shopping for food and shoes on Sunday (then had to go buy more clothes yesterday evening after realizing that my SIL had packed all of two shirts for the 5 year old to wear for two weeks.) This week they are in day camp, which seems like a wonderful invention. They were so tired yesterday that they went to bed with no protest despite the fact that it was still light out.
Shit, I typed all the above and it's still only Tuesday.
Did I mention that this 2ww stuff sucks?