Sunday, July 1, 2012

We're all going to die

I love coaching my college kids (speech, not any sort of sport. One of the guys next door apparently had decided that I coach volleyball and said so a couple months ago, at which point my fat uncoordinated ass fell on the floor laughing)

One of the things I don't love about coaching is driving to tournaments. For the most part during the regular season we only travel five or six hours away, but that's a long drive when you're leaving a tournament at 9pm after two days and you've been going since 5:30am. Also, while I don't mind when we get minivans, I hate driving huge Suburbans. And this year they added 12 passenger vans to the fleet.

Turns out that passenger vans are dangerous. In order to drive students in these death traps, all the coaches had to watch a video and pass a quiz for insurance purposes. The video had little segments about different aspects of driving the van and each one basically ended with "if you don't follow instructions you will roll over and die" People. PEOPLE. It is like they made this video just for me. I am absolutely a worst case scenario assumer. Every time I changed lanes in the van I would make all the kids help me triple, quadruple check blind spots before I yelled "We're all going to die, here we go", closed my eyes and changed lanes.

(Okay, I didn't close my eyes.) The kids all found this vastly amusing and one girl did a wicked good impersonation. But I don't think they realized I wasn't completely joking. I would be terribly sore after driving because I was so tensed from being hyper vigilant about the slightest wind gust or being cut off or anything that could possibly kill us. (Because this is what happens when a gust of wind hits the van. You roll over and die.)

This is sort of how I approach a lot of things in life. I assume the worst case scenario. And then when the van doesn't roll over or I don't get fired, I am happy and relieved. And when the worst is true, well...I feel like I have already worked through some of the emotion. So it's not as bad. (This is my theory and yes I totally see the massive gaping batshit crazy flaws in it.)

So this week was awesome in terms of my neurosis. I can only imagine it will get better as the cycle goes on. And by better I mean, oh shit. I took my last bcp on Sunday morning. The doctor guessed I would get it on Wednesday but it didn't show up. Didn't show up Thursday. CLEARLY I was never going to get it. I thought for a half second it showed up Friday so I called and the nurse was like "oh good, come on in" at which point my period stopped. Because CLEARLY something is wrong with me. I had my CD1 check anyways. Okay levels (LH was .95, E was 52, she *said* that was okay) She didn't think I'd get more of a period because my lining was so thin (though Saturday of course my period actually came a little more after I was all, hahahaha silly me wearing these pads in a precautionary manner) and my AFC looked pretty small. She didn't give me a number, but she was pointing them out and it looked like 2 on one ovary and five on the other. I'm hoping there are more and they were just small. Or hiding. Or something. Do they do that on CD0 or CD1? Combining my low AMH levels with this, I have become convinced that most of my eggs are already dead.

In other news...
I started Gonal f this morning. I love the pen. Man, that is a great invention. Menopur starts tonight.
We babysat last night for some friends' girls. It was fun. The youngest was conceived when we started trying at the same time. We had dreams that we'd be able to have kids the same age.
I really need to take my bridesmaid dress in to be fitted. The wedding is a month away. I am going to have to ask them to leave room for bloat, luckily the dress has a weird draping thing in front that should hide it a bit.
A is making granola right now and it smells heavenly. I will ask them to leave room in the dress for a few extra pounds too.


  1. I hope you didn't change lanes a lot...

    Well, you're off and running. Don't even try to predict what will happen next, because you never know. Much luck, though.

  2. I've always thought you were cool, but now knowing you are also this sassy passenger van-navigating, kid-coacher is super-rad.

    Good luck with what's to come! There is sort of an almost fun (?!), butterflies-in-the-stomach, excited, first-day-of-school feeling to starting a new fresh cycle. Why, there's not much difference between a freshly-sharpened #2 pencil and one of those Gonal F pens, is there?

  3. These are excitin' times, they are. And by exciting, I mean this is the time to go batshit crazy but pretend that you're really 'way groovy, dude' Zen about things.

  4. I left a comment on your fat fingers post.

    Also, yes Gonal F Pen rocks!