Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Can somebody else please just tell me what to do?

It would be totally reasonable for me to drive to Cincinnati (2 and 0 minutes away according to Google) tomorrow afternoon to buy my boss wine, right?

See, I have the world's best boss.* And his birthday is Thursday. And he is one of those people that buys himself everything that he needs. But wine! He always likes having wine. And the Jungle Jim's in Cincinnati has a great selection. (And um, I could maybe also pick up some wine for me. And cheese. And $100 worth of other random things from the international section. Jungle Jim's is awesome and bad for my wallet.)
I am trying to justify this. I don't think it's working.

Truthfully, I probably don't have time. School has started back up again so I am back to coaching. I took a pay cut this year so we could hire another part time coach. Of course, the thinking was that I might be pregnant and want a lighter schedule. Instead, I am not pregnant and it turns out that my coaching load has not lightened very much. Basically, I am working two less hours a week for a $1500 pay cut. Crap. This does mean that I am going to try and be better about saying no. Last year I got a lot of begging from the students to come in extra and stay later, etc. But no more! (I say now, even though I already broke one pledge to not coach the student who makes me want to go all reverse Latrell Sprewell on him. He also happens to be a non traditional student who recently started trying to have a baby with his wife despite his incredible lack of maturity. I do not see this ending well.)

I was kind of hoping y'all would just vote on the options or something in my last post. I am not good at making decisions about my life and neither is A. (We tried to go to a political fundraiser dinner not long ago and the traffic was so bad that we said fuck it and drove away. Since we were dressed up and hungry we wanted to go to a restaurant...but it took us an hour of driving around and discussing it before we decided on one. A full hour. There are really not that many non-chain restaurants in Indy.) If this is how we deal with restaurant choices we are fucked when it comes to deciding whether to do another round of IVF. I am still looking at adoption stuff. And embryo donation. And considering what I can do to optimize my IVF chances...

I need somebody else to play Choose Your Own Adventure with my life because I apparently can't chose which page I want to be on.

* About a week after we failed IVF I was driving my boss to pick up his car from the shop and he asked if the IVF worked. When I told him it didn't he said if we decided to try again he'd pitch in five grand. I would never take it, but I love that he offered .Additionally, he keeps the work fridge stocked with beer, lets me bring my dog to work and reiterated that if I do have a kid we'll put a nursery in the office. Best. Boss. Ever. 


  1. Can I have your boss? He sounds fantastic!

  2. Wow - yes, Best.Boss.Ever!! I want one too!!

  3. I'll tell you what to do. Get back on that damn horse and try again! The hardest part is over. When my first IVF didn't work I thought I was gonna die. But I didn't. You see, I'm too tough to die. Very much like you. So don't be too proud and take help (and money) when offered from your parents or boss. It's not like you are going to smoke crack with it is it are you? You are trying to make a family!!! You will only regret not doing it. If you need your butt kicked I'll do it or a hand to hold. But get on with it! And take care. These days are very hard. I do understand. Almamay IVF Vet (15 IVFs, 7 IUIs)

  4. I should have added that we have 1 living boy (IVF number 11) who was worth ALL the heartbreak. You will never regret trying your best.

  5. Get that man some wine. Good Lord.

    I think I agree with the above - if it were me, I would do IVF until you knew for sure you couldn't do it anymore, and you felt totally 'done'.

    And if you feel like it's enough - then it's ENOUGH. Onto adoption we go.

  6. I agree that you have the best boss. Also, this is the third time this week I have had a verbal or internet discussion about the awesomeness of Jungle Jim's, which you should obviously take as a sign that you were meant to go there...
    Oh, and regarding your last post, I meant to tell you that I also live in the Indy area, and my cousin's adopted a child from a local agency. I can get you in contact with them if you want to ask them some questions.

  7. Your boss sounds amazing!!! I would totally get him that wine (and some tasty cheese for you!!!).

  8. Gah!!! Smartphone +blogger ate my novel (aka comment)
    To sum up- i wish i could tell you what to do. But I would have taken even more money and shot myself with tons of drugs if i had to do ivf as many times as financially possible. Adoption is amazing and a road the hub and I initially thought we'd take, but after my kidney loss a biological connection became important. But that's me. Take your time- you still have some. Think on it. Imagine all scenarios and make your decision. Then think on that a week- if your gut says no, think some more. You guys will do what's right for you.
    And your boss sounds awesome & I would skip lunch and get some wine! :-)

  9. I hate it when I read a post and then get distracted and forget to respond!

    Life should come with a manual that is custom made for each of us!

    We have spent an hour before (actually probably several times, but we've been together since 1992!)searching for or deciding over which restaurant to go to.

    We JUST spent a few weeks arguing over which duvet/comforter thingie to buy!

    I don't know what to say... you will do what is right for you. I think LOTS of talking about it would be a smart thing! And maybe some booze...

    IVF eventually worked for us but you know it took us 2 failed cycles, 3 fresh, 1 frozen, and 3 miscarriages to get us where we are. It was a bitch, but it was worth it. I'm pretty sure we'd have been good with adoption also, but the whole process (invasiveness) intimidated the hell out of me. Which is kind of funny because, hello? wasn't IVF invasive? yep.

    Let us know how you're getting along!

  10. I definitely think you should try IVF again. It's crazy expensive and very hard physically and emotionally, BUT it is worth a second shot. That's my vote. Then you can decide to move on from there to other options without looking back if it doesn't work.

  11. I know I keep asking, but if you've answered, I've missed it. Did you have your WTF appointment with the RE yet? Are there things they'd tweak for next time if you did another round of IVF? Do they have a better sense of things now? I think you need that info before you decide anything.

    And also, you need more wine. Wine is definitely necessary for decisionmaking.

  12. Can you just move to VA so we can talk over a drink? :)

    I should have posted before organization pictures but it would have been ridiculously embarrassing. Picture piles of clothes on my dresser because I can't be bothered to shove them in a drawer and literally a closet hat I'd piled halfway full. It was chaos at it's finest.

    So really, I'm just giddy about my stuff all making sense
    and being functional. We will see how long that lasts!

  13. Definitely best boss ever!!!!!!!

    Unsung Lullabies and Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother are two books that helped me a LOT

  14. Can I come work for your boss too?! SO cool of him on many levels!

    Wish I could give you the magic answers - I would say charge forward with another IVF, but I know how daunting it can be. Thinking of you!!

  15. Hope you are OK. It takes some time to recover from the first knock in the teeth after a BFN. Hang in there. xxx

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